Dream and Despair

The fact that half of us do not have a dream, and another half can’t fulfill their dream. I think it is a privilege for us to try to fulfill our dream, as many do not even have such opportunity.

I do believe we are the maker of our own fate. Though we can’t control the outcome, and most of the time we can still choose what to do. Yes, there will be difficulty and obstacle, but we can choose to overcome the obstacle or give up before trying. We are not guaranteed success, but we can choose to have that chance or not. We can choose to change, or stay put.

And again, nothing comes easy. After deciding what to do, we need to overcome despair and frustration. We will be tried again and again, fail again and again; to test our will and determination on what we really want to achieve. Some people think this is so hard that they don’t even want to try. To others, as long as there is such opportunity and I can afford to try, I will.

Sometimes we just have these wakes up call and ask ourselves, what we are actually doing besides making a living and earning money. What motivates us to continue? What is waiting for us at the end? What are we looking forward to? What to do when we wake up in the morning, does it feel hopeful or dreaded? It can be difficult and worrisome, but there must be hope that we can overcome it someway or somehow.

I think dream is about what we hope to find at the end, something to look forward to. There must be something in tomorrow besides emptiness.

Despair is the measure of distance from that dream. You feel hopeful when it’s near, and despair when it is far. Despair is the compass to our dream, as you need to overcome them in order to get nearer.

Human are not powered by status and money. We wanted love and satisfaction, to whom and to what we do. Humanity need hope, and it’s good that we do not know when is dooms day; unless we have a way to stop it.

To have a dream, despair will follow, maybe finding love and peace along the way.

Sometimes in life, we just need a bit of inspiration and fun! The Gurren Lagann Way.

• "Go Beyond The Impossible, and kick reason to the curb! That's the Team Gurren way!"
• "Don't believe in yourself! Believe in me, who believes in you!"
• "Who the hell do you think we are?"
• "My drill is the drill that pierces the heaven!"
• "If there's a wall in our way, we'll destroy it! If there's no road, we'll pave it with our own hands!"

Basically we worry too much of "if", and got put off by it

• what if I fail
• what if I lost all my money
• what if they don't like it
• what if tomorrow never comes

What if tommorrow is your day and you will succeed? Isn't that scary, hahaha. The fear of loss is greater than gain, but the thought of I actually made it tomorrow is pretty scary too.

To Achieve a Dream: No magic word or formula, just try many ways to keep the spirit up, expect many failures and numerous tries, and keep moving forward in various speed necessary. As long as we keep doing something and willing to change and adapt. What I fear most is inaction.

Why Travel?

Travelling is a feeling of leaving all the hassle and buzzes of city behind, walk into a beautiful environment where I can loose myself for weeks.


I like hiking because I just need to focus on moving forward and nothing else. At night, I just need to eat and sleep. And I know I just need to keep walking the next day, it is simple and straightforward. The place is nice and relaxing.

I like travelling to Nepal because everything is so simple and easy, and there is nothing much to worry about. I just have to keep walking, enjoy the view, eat, chit chat and sleep. And I know the next day will be beautiful with surprises.

Places like Bali and Hong Kong is too crowded with people and more costly. I have to think of where to go, what to eat, figure out the transport, queue up, buy things, etc. There are too many people, and too many things to do. Even most places Australia is too civilized, but I am sure there is some hidden adventure. Is not that these place are not nice, but just not as calm or relaxing, but an eye opener to other country and culture. Perhaps visiting these places is more like a Tourist (paying money for comfort), rather than a Traveller (more hardcore, haha).

I like nature (mountains and river) and simple village life (or small town). Someplace I can totally forget about the city and rat race, is almost like going through the ZEN way of life. Relax, Keep Travelling and Enjoy. The next day shall always be beautiful.

My Greatest Enemy is Myself

Personally, there is no need to compare myself with others, as in how well my classmates did in their exams, or how much my colleagues are earning. Basically, everyone had their own personality, strength and potential. Rather than asking why can’t I be as good as others, the more suitable question should be why can’t I fulfill my potential?


Fulfilling my potential (to make the best of what I have or what I can do) is not an easy task. I need to know my personality, talent and passion so that I can choose what kind of profession I should embark on. Introvert seldom make good sales, and some people just can’t sing. It sounded simple, but many people still end up making wrong choices due to lack of information and guidance, or follow the herd mentality. Make sure you know what you are good at, and what do you like to do, and find something which you can make a living. Don’t know what you are good at or have no passion? Open your eyes and ears and keep looking, keep your awareness up and keep thinking of it, then it will come eventually.

After being smart in choosing what I shall do (the easy part), then it comes the hard part of actually working. Working is easy, but working correctly with discipline and keep the passion burning is quite hard. How to keep yourself happy and productive while doing work? If I don’t like the work, I should change the work or myself? This is another life long learning process, to find out what to do, how to do it and how to do it long while still being satisfied.

How do I get up to work feeling enthusiastic, and able to be productive for the entire day? I know working on something we like is good, sometimes we have to work on something we don’t like, but at least we will know what we like to do or not, and perhaps think of someway to handle things we don’t like. We can switch department or work scope, and hire someone to do the dirty job and etc.

Basically we need Passion to keep burning, and Discipline to make sure we persist, and we make adjustment along the way until we are enlighten with the way of ZEN :) No simple answer, keep trying and keep moving.

What if I am not motivated to do it, or just plain lazy? Make sure this state does not prolong for too long, else we shall be doomed for life. The thin line between those who make it, and don't.

An Irony Life

I think there is quite a lot of irony in life.

Have you try looking to buy something, where you do a lot of research and shop at various places to get the best bargains. When you finally bought it, something bad happens such as faulty or defective device or unsatisfactory service which totally written off whatever benefit you had gain based on your earlier efforts, or you loose even more.

Have you try to get some convenient by doing things online because you would not want to visit the place because it is far and inconvenient, but at the end you found out you still have to visit the place to get things done.

Have you try so much to save money and reducing your spending, but all the savings is written off due to some mistake or accident.


I personally think the emotional disappointment of such irony is much greater than the actual lost, feel like shouting to upstairs and start asking WHY!

Yes, life is a journey to make us better by going through hardship, sadness, disappoinement and irony.

Shit, Bad Luck and Irony will continue to haunt us through the rest of our life. The good thing is it usually feel very bad only at the moment in time; and we will probably forget about it until life reminds us again the next time, MUAHAHAHA! SHIT!

Easy and Almost Risk-Free Financial Tips

Saving Account
The Bank Saving Interest rate now is about 0.3%, so if you have RM 10K in your bank, you get around RM 30 per year. Too little, but hassle free.

Fixed Deposit
The next best thing is to move this money into Fixed Deposit, which offer around 2% Interest Rate (RM 200 for your RM 10K savings per year). Certain online banking like Maybank2u allows you to put money in FD via online transaction (immediate deposit and withdrawal), so it’s extremely convenient.


Government Bond
Lets say you want more, you can try some Government bond offered by PNB like Sukuk or Merdeka (for Senior Citizen) Bond which offered 5% Returns for 3 years (so you get RM 500 for RM 10K of Investment). You need to be aware the launch date for these bonds and queue up to purchase at PNB or some other local Banks like Maybank. Bear in mind Maybank is really very slow with the ability to process maximum of 10 people per hour per counter (so either queue up early, or goto other bank or branches which are faster). Dividend is paid quarterly (every 3 months), so you are slightly limited on when you can withdraw the money without sacrificing the dividend.

Government Fund / Unit Trust
Let’s say you want more and can take a small risk, you can apply for ASM or ASW 2020 by PNB (is like a Public Unit Trust). Historically the dividend is between 5-8% (RM 800 for RM 10K of Investment assuming dividend yield of 8%), but there is no guaranteed. ASM and ASW looks like a saving account as they give you an Investment Passbook, so you can top up more units at anytime (assuming it is available). The problem is you don’t know when additional unit is available unless you visit the Banks and Post Office everyday or every week. ASW 2020 is the hardest to apply during launch, unless you are a Bumiputera.

You need to queue up early during launch date to grab your share, as it is known to finish up within hours or a few days. Buying these fund require some strategy in place i) queue up damn early like 8am ii) go to some unpopular Post Office or Bank iii) befriend with some officers to place your order earlier and faster. Else, you can check with the banks frequently to see if any units are available (or pay someone to notify you when units are available?).

ASM or ASW 2020 is better than those Unit Trust in the markets due to 2 reasons: i) There is not processing or transaction fee, or yearly administration fee. ii) You will never loose your capital (buy and sell price always fixed at RM 1), is a matter of how much dividend you get.

What Else?
What if you want more? Share Market and Property Investment then, which is out of my scope as it is neither easy nor risk-free.

Conclusion

• Saving Account: 0.3%
• Fixed Deposit: 2%, withdrawal every 1 month without sacrificing Interest
• Government Bond (Sukuk, Merdeka, etc): 5% (up to 3 years), dividend paid every 3 months (The profit payments will be apportioned based on the number of days held)
• ASN, ASW 2020: 5-8% (No Guaranteed), withdrawal anytime without sacrificing Dividend

God gave us Freewill

“One of the most previous gift from God to human is Freewill” – City of Angels


It’s nice to be able to decide what to do with our life, but options could be quite daunting at times. But if we don’t like communism, I guess we all like to reserve our rights to choose; whether we could use our right wisely is another matter.

One of the most enjoyable things in life is a worry-free lifestyle. We have a stable job from 9-5, don’t have to work on Saturday and overtime, and we can just relax on weekend and have fun. The thing with human is that sometimes we might not be contented, and we might embark on some kind of “adventure” which will upset this worry-free lifestyle.

Why upset it? Some do it for the sake of money, while others try to find more meaning in life or be driven by our passion. We might take up a part-time courses or part-time job, which is time consuming and taken up most of our free-time, thus making it slightly more “stressful” and less “enjoyable”.

Human is a funny and complicated being. We have this unreasonable thing called “Love”, which we don’t need it and can’t live without it. Then we have “Passion” which might upset a lot of logical things in our life. Of we have “Impulse” which allows us to do something totally unreasonable.

Perhaps the imperfection of human is the thing which makes us perfect. We are partially logical, yet with hidden “surprises” from our creativity and emotions. Some might categorize logical and rule abiding as boring, and why sometimes we admire the “bad boy” image.

I can work hard in my job and earning 5-6K salary and be promoted to manager and earning a maximum salary of 8-12K before retirement. If I am lucky, I might become a regional manager or CEO and earning a comfortable 12-20K per month. But no, I have to start a business because I feel like it and kinda dissatisfied with the company I work for. I have to admit, though most of the time the money is less, but it seems more fun and more meaningful. It could be quite worrisome at times, but I don’t see there is anyway for me to turn back. So this isn’t very logical economical wise, but perhaps on emotional and spiritual satisfaction. Is this the right way? No one can really tell.

To be an artist or an accountant? Most might say accountant because it’s a more stable job and decent income, but an artist is so much more interesting (use you creativity to generate money dude). Maybe it’s just a bit unconventional.

In the end, we are afraid of the unknown, yet our heart will probably point us to the right direction. The right direction doesn’t not mean success; it still depends on how we do it.

We have the freewill to decide what to do. We have a heart to guide us what to do. We have a mind to think how to do it. We have hands to do it. I guess we already have all the right tools :)

Thinking Back

Thinking back, I do wonder is life simpler or more complicated now? I think it had become simpler, yet I recall it used to be simpler last time with much more going on.

Michelle used to label me as a perfectionist one, but I just rub it off. Perhaps I want a simple (and perfect life) in my own mind? Everyone live happily ever after, and no one will die.

Theoretically, I am supposed to be a very boring person at once glances. Perhaps the most interesting thing about myself is my thoughts, if there are anyone to listen to what I had to said.

Looking back at some past blog entries, it really seems like a long journey with many ups and downs. Last time relationship troubled me the most, now career keep juggling in my mind (and the future as well).

So many people walk pass and leave, sooner I later I would live in isolation. I always thought relationship and marriage is a friendship killer, as we don’t spend as much time with others. Maybe I am just lazy.

I don't really make much new friends, or join new groups. Perhaps I am really a passive and anti-social person. Maybe I should join a new club or something. I do admire Michelle's lifestyle, and I do have a certain level of respect for her determination (though not totally agree with all her actions).


Why? A question which I don’t know how is asking about what or what to answer. Just life and what I had become, for some unknown reasons.

Sorry, my friend :(

I believe I made quite a few mistakes in my life, some I am fully aware of, some I am ignorance of and some, I really don’t know. Though I try to be a good person, but I did have my selfish and emotional moment. Sadly, I can still make mistakes and did something bad (or not so nice).

I think most people want to be a good person: Honest, Trustworthy, Loyal, etc. Too many good attributes to keep track of, and too easy for some not so good attributes to creep in as well. I think I just want to be able to sleep at night, so I try my best to maintain that. Sadly, it isn't perfect either.

Do I believe love in first sight? There might be some good feelings, but not necessary equal love. Is it wrong to choose the right candidate as your potential love one? Logically it is like job hunting, send out more letters and attend a few interviews to find out which company is more suitable for me. Sometimes go for big corporation, sometimes go for good working environment, and sometimes go for passion. This might sound logical, but it might not be “openly” accepted, though I am sure many would try that. Again, I believe Love is achieved through Trial & Error. Does love need to be built up? Yes, it does not fall from sky. Opportunities might fall from sky, but relationship needs to build. Yes, it takes years to build and 1 day to destroy it. Is it alright to reject a love? There is no right way to do this, all ways are wrong.

Human is a complicated being, what you see is not what you get. A lot of time people will hide away their true feelings and behavior, so can’t expect anyone to be an open book. After sometimes, if we are observant enough we will find out what is good or what is bad. Sometimes it might be too late. Though I am not a very good character reader at first, but I do know who the culprit is and who is a friend, eventually. Sometimes, keeping a secret or telling a secret is harder? I think telling a secret is harder.

Misunderstanding is what I fear most (only to people I care of), though some of it is my own doing. Can’t make people love us, can’t stop people hate us as well. Some people do carry some weight it my heart, and it’s sad that some relationship had to abruptly end in such “unfriendly” state. Probably I said something or do something wrong (which I conveniently forgotten, or didn’t mean it), but deep inside I know I didn’t meant it and you are still a good friend in my heart; no matter what I had said or done.

Ego wise, I would give myself excuse that I had done the right thing; but for every right decision, there is a hidden wrong. Opening our heart could be a scary thing to do, but I don't think closing it would be any better as well. No matter what, life is full with a lot of surprises and lessons. No matter what, I just want to say

“Sorry my friend, for what ever I had done to hurt you”