Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Happy Birthday Dream Girl

A very Happy and Absolutely Fantastic Birthday,

To the Totally Cool and Pretty Dream Girl,

May her Knight in Shining Armour (a handsome one),

Swept her off her feet and live happily ever after

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Teaching Exceptional Children could be quite a Responsibility

Few weeks ago I had my first class with the children on the Friday just before Chinese New Year, and it is totally chaotic. Since this is the first time, I have totally no idea what to teach the kids. Luckily I picked up 2 educational CDs from MPH sometime ago, thus I have something to start with and observe from there. And having a PlayStation party for the children before their holiday break does not help my quest.

Things are difficult as there is only 1 computer with 9 children around. While I am showing one child how to use the software, some children became very restless (starts making noise, jumping around and disturbs other kids). Some children are more aggressive or hyper active, or too engrossed with the software, and it take quite some control and convincing to persuade them to let other children to have their chance as well. Some are too afraid to try to use the computer; some can’t concentrate; some are too enthusiastic; while some do exceptionally well. I finally understand every kid is different in its very sense. In order to teach them effectively, I would need to understand them properly and cater for them individually. I am used to developing customized software, but this is the first time I am doing customised syllabus and teaching.

I want the second class to be more educational, but equally fun as well. I bring a typing game along, to get the kids familiar with the keyboard and the computer as well. But the game is a bit too fast paced, some got intimidated by the speed, while many couldn’t even complete the first level. Besides, the PlayStation party is still on as the kids got restless while waiting for their turn to use the computer. Education Games and PlayStation shouldn’t mix, as the former will loose out flat in getting the children’s attention.

The 3rd class had gotten more challenging, as I need to create some works and projects to do. I would prefer some deliverables, as it would make the work more interesting and satisfying with an end product. Yet, I want to make it simple and fun. Someone kinda gave me an idea, and the idea turned into card making. Using Photoshop seems too complicated, and PowerPoint seems to be able to do the work just fine. I download some fonts and clip arts just to make the process more interesting. The idea turns out pretty alright for the first class, and it would take 20-30 minutes for a kid to finish their masterpiece, thus I can teach five of them within 2 hours. Luckily we have a colour printer, so that they can feel their creation. Of course, some children are less enthusiastic about their work, but I guess most of them enjoy it.

I am not sure how leaning computer can improve their life, but I would like to create as much fun while getting them to try new stuffs, and also to create something at the end of the day. Give me strength and idea to continue with my effort, and don’t turn me into a lazy and boring teacher who just doesn’t care. If I am to do it, I want to give the most creativity I can offer to make the learning more effective and interesting.

Perhaps typing a fairytale story for next week’s project.

Cool Office Furniture

I finally have a set of SOHO furniture of my own, a very nice Galant Series from IKEA.

I wanted a big table, for all the computer equipment and gadgets, not to mention some creativity space for writing and doodling. Conventional office or study table just won’t suit my needs, and standard computer table are hopeless. The Galant series is super cool, and I bought 3 combination pieces which consist of a big Center Table, a Half Round Table and a small Square Table Top. It is Birch Veneer in colour, spacious, cool with minimum leg obstruction. I bought another MALM Cabinet Drawer of the same colour to create some much needed storage space. I wanted another super cool INGO Glass Cabinet for store some nice stuff, but it is out of stock.

I still need to pickup INGO Glass Cabinet one day and probably, a super cool techy chair from Office Automation by tomorrow, and perhaps a stand-on white drawing board like those used in hotel conference (if I know where to get one).

I wonder how the effect of these goodies on my productivity and motivation level is.

Besides being happy with the goods, I am very happy in the process of selecting and assembling them as well with a very special someone. It kinda put memory and life into the furniture, so to speak, yeah!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

15th February is her Day

15th February is a significant day, a day which I witness someone tear’s rolling down her cheek like the morning dew, a day which someone start to grow up and make decision for herself, and a day where everything could actually turn to better due to the courage to change.

I am really taken by surprise of her courage, yet she had her weaker moment when guilt kicks in. No one is perfect, but I am happy for her, and I am glad for choosing to be by her side in the time of need of a shoulder to cry on.

Now, I could really felt her relieve and her growth. She had perhaps turn into someone who she always want to be, perhaps now with the freedom and confidence to start taking some baby steps to something better. I think she had transformed herself slowly to a much happier person, with many more to learn and explore. Once the first step is taken, the potential and possibility is infinity, in so many ways.

I really hope …

Monday, February 13, 2006

Under the notorious Thunder Storm, I feel calm

I have been on hyper tension mood for the past weeks, suddenly now I felt calm, for just this moment. Perhaps I reach some kind of self realisation state under all mess which had been fucking my mind. I have no idea what I realise, but I just feel calm, and I am gonna take my time to savour this moment and blog about it.

I wonder if I have been tension about work or relationship, or perhaps both. If I were 5 years ago, I wouldn’t bother with relationship in such a critical stage of my venture into new business. My thought at that time was financial success should always come first, and then only I would have a strong foundation for love to blossom (solid financial is the foundation for happiness). I guess somehow I am a different person today, no longer an extremist or an idealist. Like once the richest man Aristotle Onasis once said, “All the money in this world would be meaningless without women” (and his wives played some big part in squandering his wealth off). Anyway, there are always many challenges along the way in our life, and many dreams to be chased; how many times can we put relationship on hold. Besides, relationship is meant to go through thick and thin; she should be able to withstand some thunderstorm with me along the way. No very meaningful to have a relationship when there are only glories to be claimed on calm water. Like a good friend once said, “Relationship are meant for us to grow together”, perhaps to learn to help each other to walk with the same pace; no one is supposed to be better than the other, as we are equal in the sense that we needed each other.

Valentine is just 1 hour and 55 minutes away, a day which I would like to ignore. Actually I am not a Christian, and Valentine should not be significant, but I guess marketing and advertisement had done a great job to brainwash all of us. Kenny got a soft-core magazine as part of his birthday present, and I am in list “lucky buddy” list to share the goodies with. Oh Man! I feel so sad, as I am getting a soft-core magazine for Valentine. “Take your time to really choose someone you truly like, love and lust after!” is his reply to me. Lust after is easy to accomplish, like is quite common but love is the big question that shall not be answered, perhaps only understood one day. All hope is not lost, though there is no love for Valentine, but at least I got a PARTY!!! Yes, a party, and hopefully a good one. Tang was invited to this Bachelor Party thingy, and she offered her invitation to me. Though I should keep some distance, but the temptation of having a party on Valentine is too great to resist. Perhaps with too much tension up my neck, I had to find a venue to release myself (let the beast within roar!).

Kenny told me there is no such thing as a close friendship within male and female; as we tend to like them thus we are close with them. Is it all about sex and love relationship? I once agree with him, but now I found the exception. I guess it is possible to be close with a girl, have lots of fun with her and yet didn’t fall in love with her in the end. It did cross my mind once; I guess I understand the relationship between us better and made a conclusion out of it. She was once a girl I like, but an unlikely girl I would love today.

I am really too serious perhaps, it is okay to have fun and be nice to people I like after all. Life is too short to do too many stupid things. Once a friendship can be so open and enjoyable without too many “emotional politics” within. I miss those days, those people and those happiness; even though I don’t have anyone.

If Valentine Day has to come, let it come, Bring it On! Happy Valentines :)

With Hope, came Disappointment, and assumed Happiness at the End

How could we be disappointed? It is because we had hope, that we once hope for something but it didn’t went our way, thus we are disappointed. Why did we hope? Because happiness is assumed to be at the end of the hope.

When I was a kid, I somehow like LEGO very much, especially those big LEGO box which cost a couple of hundred bucks. But I never get one of those, as my parent just loves me enough to spend on those RM 19.90 box (just a rant). Every time I would have hope that they would buy me the big LEGO box, and I kept visiting the toy section to engross myself with these big boxes whenever we visited the supermarket. At first I had much hope, thus I was disappointed. I cried, I show black faces, I become sad and start thinking my parent does not love me. After a while, I started to accept the fact that they are not going to buy me the LEGO. It does make me feel neutral, as I don’t have any more hope, thus no more disappointment. I assumed that the big LEGO boxes would bring me happiness, thus I once hope for this. Does it mean I loose the potential for happiness when I loose hope? Or did it make my life better after I loose hope (as I no longer cry or feel sad for it)? Would I achieve real happiness if I had gotten the big LEGO box?

For so many times in my life, I hope for so many things. Usually most of the things end up in disappointment, thus it just slips my mind and I forget about it. Did I achieve any happiness out of hope? Perhaps I did sometimes. Did it bring me a lot of heartache and disappointment? Yes, it does.

To hope or not to hope, as the odds seems to favor disappointment rather than happiness (it is like unfair gambling, where you would loose most of the time). I assume hope not only brings happiness, but it is also a “hope”, it keeps us going and fighting. Though loosing hopes seems to make our emotion more neutral, but the word “loosing hope” itself just sounds so sad. It sounds like no more meaning in life.

Perhaps everyone had a dream, a hope for something better. Perhaps we shouldn’t be bothered too much about winning and losing, as loosing might be a victory is disguise (what the heck am I talking about). Perhaps I can’t control myself but to have hope. To hope that someday I would be successful and found someone I really love.

It is a fact that Hope opens the opportunity for Disappointment, but it also hold up the reward of Happiness for those who persevere until the end. I think we might just like the pain and the gain (though I would happily settle for the gain without the pain). What would life be without hope? Though sometimes we tone down the hope to avoid sadness (logical reaction), but I think deep inside, the hope is still burning brightly and alive. If a Dream Boy I am, then Hope shall always be by my side.


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Sea of Change, for Better or Worst, is our own Prophecy

It had been almost 3 weeks since I left my job, and I had been bumping around the house ever since. I wish I could, but my heart just wouldn’t let me.

I think I am too damn serious about working and feeling useful, or wanting a sense of security. Remember the days where I was a college student, I never bothered about work. I would feel happy if I have lots of free time in hand, where I would play lots of computer games, go hangout with friends, go to the comic store or just laze around the room. Somehow, part of me start to change when I enter the work force. Somehow, I feel responsible (towards something). Or perhaps, I feel the urge to continue generating income (for whatever reasons). Somehow, I think I am feeling anxiety for not working. Perhaps I feel like contributing and being useful in a very stereotype manner (I had been brain washed all my life!).

When I start working for myself, I don’t feel quite comfortable with a lot of unknown worries and tensions within me. Perhaps it is the change of environment, a change to a much financially riskier and lonely environment. I feel the urge to keep working, finding myself most of the time fail to relax and cool down a bit. I am taking this venture a bit too serious, where every moment on how I spent my time counts. I am loosing the enjoyment of life. I think this situation is very bad for me. I ask myself, why I am feeling so serious and tension about?

Is it about the money? I don’t think so, as I have sufficient savings to survive for quite a while.

Is it about the social environment? When I start working for myself, I don’t get to see a lot of people everyday (no more colleagues). Perhaps it had something to do with it, but I don’t think this is the main reason. Sometimes loneliness does strike me, giving me ample time to think of all sort of stuffs.

Is it about employment? Perhaps I am used to employment life, where I have a fix monthly income no matter how I perform for my work. I even get paid if I am lazy, and I am happy about it. When I am the boss, things changed, being lazy means being cruel to myself. Perhaps I am way too serious in this matter.

Is it about success? Is it because success had been long overdue, that I have to prove to myself that I can do it, because I believe I have the potential to make it. Perhaps I am being overly ambitious, as success does take time and perseverance to be reached. I should really learn to let go, focus on doing a good job on my work, and take life a bit on the lighter side.

Perhaps it is just a shock of change, as I am still not used to or comfortable with my current lifestyle. I believe it is a hard and painful path, but not necessarily it had to be that harsh. Work hard, and play hard. I should work very hard during the day, and relax myself during the night. I should go out and party during the weekend, too bad I don’t have much dates in hand.

What can I do to make things better? Focus on my work and get the job done. If I did a good job, I think I would get some sense of relief. Perhaps I should socialize more and find more fun stuff to do during the weekends. Thinking of getting a girlfriend, but somehow things are more complicated than it seems. Perhaps I had grown more complicated, not necessarily for the worst I hope. Like my sister used to say, “I rather don’t have any if I can’t find someone who suites me and make both of us happy”.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I love Dun Wanna Sleep (不想睡)

I first heard of this song in Chim's Car. Somehow, I really like the music. Probably this is my most lovable song for year 2005. I seldom pay attention to the lyrics of the songs I am listening, so I am pretty sure the music captures my heart. It sounds bit Chinese classical and mysterious, and perhaps embedded with a very simple sense of desire. It had been quite a while since I last love a song.

The following is some logical postmortem of the songs, after I had fallen in love with it. The title of the song is Dun Wanna Sleep (不想睡), which I quite like since I always sleep late and enjoy the serenity of night. I think this is a love song (not very good at interpreting songs, in fact this is the first time), as there are fate, romance, love and the sense between dream and realism. In terms of lyrics, I think my focus is on the chorus, "不想睡 我要陪你一整夜" (Dun Wanna Sleep, I wanna be with you the whole night), or perhaps "夢做一半比較美 愛我的人還沒睡" (Half a dream is more beautiful, the one who love me haven't sleep).

Anyway, this is a song I like very much, and the lyrics quite suite my taste as well. I always wonder why people post song lyrics up their blog, now I understand why (might not for the same reason though). Since when did I become such a sentimental person?

不想睡 - 梁靜茹

宇宙中 默默自轉的星球
我看過 瞬間燃燒的花火

*我醉過 真夏冰釀的美酒
那種微酸的滋味 有點微醺的感覺
夢做一半比較美 愛我的人還沒睡

#不想睡 我要陪你一整夜
我要幸福的催眠 天旋地轉的暈眩
不想睡 我要陪你一整夜
我要今天的完美 不要明天的幻覺

我看過 瞬間燃燒的花火

重唱 *,#

雪花盛開在風中 是你緊緊抱著我
淚光在閃動 一閃 一道彩虹

重唱 #

Monday, February 06, 2006

Bad Boys are the Desired Breed

Sometimes or somehow, the statement “men who aren't bad, girls will not like” (男人不坏,女人不爱) would seems to cross our mind. Why would some super gorgeous girl will fall for a scumbag? Why Rockers always get a super gorgeous girl (sometimes more than one)? Why does Kaiser the 17 years old boy get to have two girlfriends without buying them any presents (in fact, the girls gave him presents)? Why no matter how badly a man treat a women (imagine beating), she just wouldn’t leave him?

I have the following hypothesis on why Good Girls like Bad Boys:
  • The opposite attract, good doesn’t like good, good likes bad
  • Being bad makes you unique, more desirable, more mysterious, more attitude
  • Good is boring. Being good means doing what is expected of you by the social society’s standard. There is not surprise, no excitement.
  • Perhaps there is a deep dark inner desire of girl to be treated badly at times. Is like SM, where someone would enjoy being the masochist (the one being whipped). They found unexplainable joy within pain.
  • Be with someone bad is like being with the rebels. Somehow there is something desirable about being with the rebels, rather the great general of the main force. Think of character like HK Gangster Big Brother, Cold Blooded Killer, The Great Thief or The Street Racer, all the characters have super Chun chick with them all the time, don’t mind being treated badly and would support the love of their life at any cost (too much movies’ influence here)
Who would like bad boys? I think younger girls have the highest tendency of falling for bad boys, as they are looking for a more exciting life (and perhaps an exciting romance as well). Somehow the more they are ignored, they would like him better (and treat him even better).

Is there any hope for the bad boys? The answer should be yes. When the younger girls had grown up, they would get fed up with the bad boys and start looking for something more gentle and secure. They want to be treated nicely and be pampered instead.

The above is pretty much stereotyped based on my own assumption. Somehow I feel that the “bad” element in us had an important role to play. You don’t want to be Mr. Nice Guy, as all the girls would say he is nice but no one want to be with him. Even if you are a good boy, you need to be “bad” at times. Perhaps it is the balance, Yin and Yang, Black and White. You always need the opposite force to balance things up, so that it won’t overflow. Perhaps we shouldn’t feel guilty when we are being “bad”, “evil” or “naughty”. A good dosage of badness would do us some good, just like how drugs are used in small dosage for medical purpose. You can be a gentleman and treat the person you like nicely (hopelessly romantic), but certain badness is required at times to complete the work. Perhaps life is just like that, you are never meant to be an extremist or purist (even a good guy need to be bad at times).

PS: Compliments from About Nude, Not Naked on why girls start with bad boys and might probably end up with good boys.

PS: Another similar entry by ~Rants of a BIG little Girl~.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Korean Comedy/Love Movies are Absolutely Enjoyable

The first Korean movie of comedy/love genre I lay my eyes on is WindStruck, which is absolute superb: fun, happy, sassy, motivating, strong loveship in a funny way, but with a sad ending.

I happened to stumble upon Too Beautify To Lie sometimes ago, and it is simply enjoyable: hilarious and, hilarious. It just feel good watching it, as the Koreans are really cute and funny. Especially the girls, they are not really pretty but with certain adorable yet rebellious character and attitude.

Today I watched “My Little Bride” on TV, and it is about a man (Sang-min) marrying a 16 years old girl (Bo-eun) out of an arranged marriage kinda thing. At first Bo-eun didn’t quite like him, and ditch him of the honeymoon and go date the boy she loves and started a relationship. Sang-min had been really nice to her, as he kinda like the girl since young (which she found out later). One day Sang-min found out that his wife is dating the boy, she cries out of guilt and he consoles her. He didn’t blame her at all, as he thinks that she might not really like him (as their marriage is kinda forced). This moment is really devastating, and I felt the man is ready to let go of her. At the end, the girl proclaims her love to him and they live happily ever after.

Korean Comedy/Love movies are simple, funny, relaxing and can be romantic at times. A good watch to keep the body and mind relaxed and happy. Maybe I should look for more of them.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Why bother with making money?

Doesn’t it make you wonder why everyone is trying to make more money? Why do we want the extra cash, except for the reason that more is better?

I am not quite sure whether I am chasing the money or not, but it definitely one of the reward I would like to have. What makes me take risk in the attempt to make more money than the average folks, and propelled me into financial freedom?

I am doing what I am doing because:
  • I don’t like the feeling of being at my employer’s mercy. If I am a family man at the age of 40 working loyally (I have no where else to go) at Company X and they decide to fire me because my pay is too high and to replace me with someone younger, more energetic and cheaper, I am screwed! What if they decide to promote an ass-licker rather than me? I would feel devastated yet I can’t afford to leave (I have a family to feed). What if the job sucks and I have to go to work with a grumpy face every morning? It just sounds terrible to me, and I hope I don’t have to go through this kind of lifestyle.
  • I want to be in control of my job and have time for family. If I would have a family in the future, I want flexible hours. I want to spent time with wife and kids. I want to send the kids to school or pick them up from times to times, or have family days on weekdays where it is less crowded, and perhaps just to spent sometime together in between days (not when I am super tired at the end of the day from a 9 to 5 job)
  • I want to have the margin for accident and emergency. Just in case anything would to happen to my family (especially my parents), I want to have the capability to take care of them, to cure them. I wouldn’t want them to suffer at old age, perhaps a more comfortable lifestyle with proper care and love.
  • I want to enjoy the freedom, to do what I desire, rather than because I have to do it. I am buying a future comfortable lifestyle, with capabilities to have long and life-like vacations and enjoyed life in a really enjoyable manner. I don’t want to worry because salary isn’t coming in for the next 3 months, and the baby is hungry.
Hopefully today’s pain will be tomorrow's happiness :)

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Grey Area of Feng Shui and Bazi

I am no expert of metaphysical science (science based on philosophy), but I have some light reading on Feng Shui and BaZi (Destiny Code) from Lilian Too’s and Joey Yap’s books. Basically I believe in Feng Shui and BaZi, but I just found that it is difficult to practice them based on some vague and simple introduction books which are widely available in the market.

For example, the first thing you should before checking the Feng Shui for your house is to check for the direction of your house. This might sound simple, but it is extremely tricky. What determined the direction of the house? The main door? The overall direction which you feel the house face? Based on the main road? What about office building or apartment? The direction of you apartment’s door? The main entrance to your building? What if there is more then one main entrance? The overall direction which you feel the building face? For every direction which you conclude for your building, the outcome and analysis is extremely different. Some buildings have even more complicating scenarios due to weird design. Different practitioners will have their preferred methods and guidelines on determining the direction, but where is the REAL direction? I don’t quite doubt the foundation and principles of Feng Shui, but the methods to determine and calculate might be made based on certain assumptions of unofficial guidelines and preferences (which might be wrong, but no one can say for sure). For just Feng Shui, even the most media prominent figure such as Joey Yap and Lilian Too are advocating different ideas on so many fronts (I wonder what the rest of the practitioners have to say?)

The same goes for BaZi, where the strength of you Day Master needs to be determined first before you could unlock your destiny code. Usually we need to look at the Month season which you are born, but it is neither straight forward. It had many exceptions, and might depend on other elements in your BaZi (quantity and quality), hidden or rooted elements, and tons of others rules and sub rules as well. It is not straightforward at all, depending on unofficial guidelines, your preferences and experiences. If you fail to determine the strength of your Day Master properly, the interpretation of your Destiny Code shall be totally different.

I don’t think I have the knowledge and capacity to practice Feng Shui nor BaZi for myself. Even if I would look for a master to do the hard work for me, I wonder how much I could trust his methods and experience. Who is the most prominent and accurate practitioner? Can he or she guarantee that his interpretation is accurate? I certainly could not afford the most prominent one, and I wouldn’t want to waste money on someone which I couldn’t trust. I guess I am on my own at the moment. According to the Cosmic Trinity: Heaven’s Will (Bazi), Human Action (You) and Earth Luck (Feng Shui), at least I am still in control of one third of it (Human Action, Me!).