Monday, April 23, 2007

Who am I, and what I am here to do?

I got the above idea from Oprah. In the weaker moment in our life, we need support desperately. It may be from our family, spouse, friends, religion, a TV show like Oprah or just a time off to release ourselves from our normal daily life. There is where I got the idea where people are in need of support, they embrace a religion easily. After all, it is a place for people who believe in the same thing, and a good platform for support and social activities.

Anyway, I like the above question, so I am going to give it a go, in hope to kill some time and to find myself within.

Who am I? I am a boy, a man, a son, a boyfriend, a brother, a friend, a programmer, an entrepreneur wannabe. These are the roles I play. But, who am I really? Hmm, this seems more difficult than I though, so I started to Google for some writing guidance.

What is my very first memory? I am quite a happy and lucky child, where the biggest focus of my entire childhood is about my grades and results. Though I am very good at my studies, but I found that I am not good at many other things. Some I choose to be just mediocre (it is impossible to be good at everything), while some I try to change and improve myself. I have done a few “bad” things, which I began to felt the guilt. Thus I decide never to do things which is going to make me feel guilty again, thus I decide to be more open and truthful. I was never very brave, and perhaps I worry a lot as well. Thus I always have a lot of pre-emptive measure, to ensure I wasn’t haunted by sadness and fear in the future. I do what I can today, to ensure a better tomorrow. My motto was never to do things which I would regret, but once it’s done, don’t whine about it. I was not quite a spontaneous person; perhaps I like to be in control and not caught off guard. At the same time, I would try to persuade myself to be spontaneous at times, so to get some adventure and experience something out of the ordinary.

What do I like and hate about myself? I like myself being tall, though it’s a pity that I am not good in sports (so I can only do it for leisure). I like myself being confident (perhaps over confident at times), but sometimes I am just not as strong as I ought to be. I like the fact that I manage to change myself and become someone better, yet I notice I might have pick up a few bad characteristic along the way with still many more lessons to be learnt. Some commented that I have wisdom and I am strong, but no matter how great someone is, there is always a slump period, moment of weakness. Once I thought I was invincible, later I was as fragile as a glass. Perhaps the strength lies in how we stand up once we had fallen, not how great we used to be or ought to be. The effort to come back from a slump is tremendous, but the reward should last for a lifetime nevertheless. I can feel it, and I just have to figure out a way to make it.

Who do I admire the most? I seldom admire people, but I definitely could find a few “hero”. An unsung hero which I didn’t realize until lately, my father. Though he work for others throughout his entire life and never quite make it rich, but he take good care of the children and keep the family warm. He had done his responsibility as a father exceptionally well, and it ain’t easy. It is not easy to keep yourself in employment until they day you retired, as there are many challenges and dissatisfaction in between. My mom and dad had been an excellent parents, and I couldn't think of anyone else who might have done a better job. They protected me well, and they let go of me when it’s time.

How about Bill Gates? He is too big and too far away, which I find it very hard to relate to him. Though his success inspired me many years ago, but I believe I want to be like Joel Spolsky (ex-employee of Microsoft, and a successful ISV). He started a small and successful software company, and makes enough money to keep everyone happy. That’s all I need, small and happy.

What is “Who Am I” all about? Just an exercise to get to know myself and it’s far from over. And what I am here to do? What is my destiny? And there is what left to be explore, at another time. There are too much thoughts going on at this moment, and I need to take things one at a time.

Hopefully, somehow, I could figure about who am I and what I am suppose to do.

Monday, April 16, 2007

What's good about Australia?

I went to Australia 2 weeks ago with my sister and parents, and it is quite a relaxing and enlightening vacation. I get to understand my sister and parents more, and I get to know another culture and city. Though it is fairly expensive, but I personally think it is timely and worthwhile to have a family vacation, before I no longer have a chance to do so. The older all of us became, I felt that I need and appreciate them more. Who in the world would love and tolerate me more than anyone else, if not my parents. Though I kinda “mis-treated” them at times, but I do love and appreciate them.

I used to hear story about how good Australia is, but I never quite felt and understand what is so good about it. So what is actually so nice about the country, the culture and the city?
  • It had nice weather, at least for autumn and spring. I am there for autumn, and the weather is cool (slightly dry), slightly windy and sunny (felt like Cameron Highlands). I never sweat and felt tired walking around the city; in fact, it is a nice weather to walk around.
  • Because of the nice weather, it is very comfortable to have picnic in the park or having a coffee at the sidewalk cafĂ©.
  • The streets in the city are no congested with cars. I think the cost of driving into the city is very high, with expensive toll and parking; which is good in the sense that they actually solve traffic jam and make the street more peaceful. The car on the road in "clean" as well, where they don't left off irritating carbon monoxide smelly gas.
  • They provide first class transportation of train, bus, tram and monorails, where you could actually reach most part of the city without a car. The payment for all their transportation system is linked together. Meaning you could just buy a single ticket and board any public transport without much hassle.
  • They have wide sidewalks, so you don’t physically bump into someone that easily while trying to squeeze through. And it is pleasant to walk around the city.
  • They have a lot of nice clean park like KLCC Park, where you would feel like lying down on the green green grass. You could have a family picnic, or read a book there, or just lying down to take a short nap and have a chit chat. It helps to relax and release stress.
  • There driver there are much courteous, where most of them would usually give way to pedestrian under any circumstances. Though some of them are less patient, but at least none of them try to run down the pedestrian.
  • Australia are pretty multi cultural with lots of immigrants, thus you could easily find all sort of Asian and Western food around, and see a good mixture of crowd.
  • They have good quality fruits and food.
  • Everyone house in Australia have different design and large compound.
  • It felt safer.

Nothing is perfect. Australia got its own share of problem, such as the high cost of living, high tax rate and alike. In returns, the government gives you better education and healthcare benefit, and you could choose to stay in the sub-urban area to lower the cost of living (which is well connected by trains to the city). Typically Europeans have a more relaxed lifestyle, while Asians are workaholic. So most of their shops close early, so that they could spent more time enjoying life (probably make people happy and cause less society stress). Most of the workers there are protected by the union for the minimum wages and working hours, so it kinda make sure most of the workers could survive the current standard of living, but it will drive the cost of living up as well.

Now I can see why people like to migrate to Australia: for the better lifestyle.

All about her, again

It is about her, a girl which I met a few years ago, gone through a lot of heart warming moment together and miraculously one day, she become my girlfriend, and eventually land up as the love of my life.

She may not be the most pretty or the smartest on planet earth, but she is special, very special. When I am near her, I felt very calm, and I just enjoy the every moment I spent with her. If possible, there is nothing more I wish to do, besides spending more time with her from times to time. Somehow or rather, she had become more and more significant part of my life, a part which I cannot live without. All these happen in a slow and silent manner, without me realizing it in the beginning.

Usually she would come to seek my advice regarding things about work, about her emotion and thoughts. Although I am the mentor, but deep inside me, I feel that I am the person who needs her more. She is my silent teacher, and she is the support for my spirit. She could help me in so many ways, for just being around me. She is much stronger and had more talent than she think. Somehow, I might be more dependent on her, in many small ways.

There are many pretty girls in this world, which could easily catch my attention. But the thought which came to my mind is: no matter how pretty or attractive they are, they are not really important to me. They are not special to me, I don’t really need them, and I certainly don’t depend on them, and most of all, I don’t think of spending the rest of my life with them. They are just pretty faces which are pleasant to the eye, but I love someone who is comforting to my soul. Someone I care very much about, someone whom I try to give my best for her, and someone which I am very afraid to loose.

Someone used to ask me the question did I really love someone. I found “love” is very hard to define, especially about its closeness to “like” and having good feelings. Somehow, I think I am very much in love with her for sure, for the very first time in my life. It is the first time that I am spiritually so dependent on someone, that I am so afraid of loosing her, and I want to do my best for her and I want to be with her for a long long time. If it more that just heart pounding or hormone rushing, I had her engraved in my heart. I am still not sure what love is really all about, but she is definitely someone very special and important to me.

I love her very much :)

PS: Only if I can give her more, but I am trying to straighten my life and not to screw it up, so that I can offer a more comfortable future for both of us.