The Forbidden Path

It’s not actually forbidden, just that no one encourage you go there, your seniors and peers don’t go there, you heard of someone gone there and struck gold, and you are drawn there by mysterious forces.

I am not the type who would take the forbidden path. I study and work hard, fairly obedient and follow instructions pretty well, and would probably live a normal life with a normal career. I think the only things which tick me off is that Bill Gates the Techie could be a billionaire, and my brother saying there is no future in employment.

After 7 years of employment in two companies, my normal career kind of ended. I had been freelancing while working and I freelance full-time when I quit my job while I try to develop some product. Some people don't know where to get customers for freelancing projects, and I guess when you are doing it for a while, word will spread with referrals, and you will get repetitive business. I think things are better nowadays with Elance and oDesk, plus various online community and offline meetup; plenty of jobs, it’s a matter if you are interested or not. Though freelancing is pretty common, but I don’t have a friend who is actually a freelancer as well, until much later. I would assume less than 5% of people in IT embark on freelancing? So this path is still less than normal.

I thought I could build a product and sell it for money, but I don’t have the sales and marketing skill, and I didn’t meet someone who could help me. Then I just follow my passion and build something which I found useful, without much market study or business model. I developed a website to list new property launches, and another one to list restaurant reviews. It took about 3 years to generate USD 100 per month (luckily I live in Malaysia), and without knowing or planning for it, I have the most bizarre form of income: Adsense money. I have the hard time explaining how I manage to make money without selling anything or soliciting advertiser myself. Then I realize it’s like those free newspaper, give it for free to increase readership and get money from the advertiser, except I have an advertisement broker which is Google (less money, but no sales and marketing cost). How many of my friends actually make money from online advertisement (including bloggers)? None, except the new found bloggers which I came to know after running the food review site.

I guess there are many forbidden paths where we heard of, and people around us doesn’t seems to do it: freelancer (programmer, designer, photographer, etc.), blogger, people who sell things online, renting out room with airbnb, people who do a start-up, or people who start a conventional business. Sometimes you get people who work from home and people who don’t sell anything, or professional gamer (make a living by playing computer games).

If you kind of doing a startup (or just making a product), there is the thing with funding, market study, business model, validating your idea with customers, etc. What if you are a person who builds a product but you do none of the above? Does that make you a planned failure or irrational optimist? There is a Chinese saying 性格决定命运 (your character decide on your fate), so I am guessing its happening to me. I am not motivated with the business and customer stuff, and I am delusionally building a product which interest me, and hoping others would like it as well. I am pretty sure I am not an entrepreneur, probably just someone having fun building stuff. I accepted the fact I probably wouldn’t become filthy rich, but I shall become someone happy building things which I like. It might be difficult to make tons of money, but it shouldn’t be that hard to make a decent living while doing what we love, in a way which makes us happy most of the time.

Life is of many choices: I can choose to live the life I desire or give in to society norm; I can try to enhance the sales and business skill which doesn’t interest me, or I could seek an alternative model like Google Adsense; I could insist on making lots of money, or live a more meaningful life with less money; even though I am not a successful entrepreneur, there are still options besides employment. There is the normal path, less than normal path or the forbidden path that almost no one could guide or encourage you.

Some say normal equal mediocre. I think normal or mediocre is alright if this is the path you have truly chosen for yourself. I always assumed people have the naturally tendency to make more money, then I realise this is not true. Most people might choose the path with the least hardship and uncertainty, and some indeed feels more money isn’t really more attractive.

The forbidden path is mysterious, but not everyone wanted an adventure, as it’s filled with great uncertainty, with the promise of great reward or nothing at all, depending on how you look at it.

Every time when you want to claim that you have no time or no choice or no money, pause for a moment and think again, think about alternative choices.

If the logical mind doesn’t favour the forbidden path, where does the logical mind leads to?

Have a look at some of my projects: Malaysia Most Wanted, hackerio (new) and travelopy (work in progress).

2014: a Brave new year

It’s time to bravely set some new and old adventures for 2014, after saying goodbye to 2013.

Build Travelopy to ease my travel planning by helping me with where to go, when to go, how to go, what to do, what to eat, etc. (Booking.com handles where to stay pretty well most of the time). Create a beautiful album/journal of my travel experience. It shall be a place where traveller came together and share things in a meaningful and fun way. This shall be the 8th year since I hatched the idea, and this shall be the year to deliver it.

Make hackerio a useful resource page: Wikipedia + Delicious for Hacker. It shall be a playground for hackers.

Make Malaysia Most Wanted a playground for foodie.

Use Travelopy to plan for my travel in 2014. 2 months of holiday + 10 months of work seems reasonable. Taiwan? Xinjiang? New Zealand?

Build a few more "stupid idea" apps. A database of fictional character? An app to help disposal of useful junk like freecycle? Build a game.

Have a kid, if God permits.

Finally became a millionaire, as usual.

In 2014, remember what I am doing through Sprint + Kanban + Pomodoro.

May I find peace and meaning in life.

PS: In 2014, I shall go into coding spree to build plenty of stuffs.

Goodbye 2013.

It’s the time of the year, where I can hardly recall what I had done for the past year, and bravely set up to do magnificent things in the coming year. First, let's recall back what I set out to do in 2013 ...

In 2013 I wish to build a version of Food and Travel web app which I am really proud of, but sadly little progress is made. The only consolation is I did launch a very basic of Travelopy (learn about Python and Google App Engine in the process), and Malaysia Most Wanted’s Python Migration is 50% completed. It sadden me that I set out to build Travelopy 7.5 years ago, yet it's no launched yet.

In 2013 I manage to attend an Arduino hacking session at Google DevFest, then I realise I really doesn't have the leisure time to pick up this new hobby.

In 2013 I did manage to work on a “Stupid Idea”: hackerio help hackers to discover and organize online resources, which involve tagging of web links, bookmarking, collaborative list of things, startup database, etc. Why I manage to deliver? Thanks to Google Cloud Developer Challenge 2013, and at least I won a consolation prize of Nexus 7 for about 20 days of work.

In 2013, I didn’t manage to make a game.

In 2013, I travel to Europe and Japan for almost 2 months, which is great. Only through traveling I can break away from the anxiety of life, replaced by the stress and enjoyment of travelling.

In 2013, I pick up the responsibility to be on the committee of my apartment (reluctant "hero" scenario). It’s pretty stressful and unrewarding, which tormented my quiet life, yet it still feels like the right thing to do. It made me understands in order for the apartment to function and make the residents happy, someone needs to sacrifice; in order to build a better country, someone need to sacrifice as well, though some people are more suitable for the job.

In 2013, it had been 8 years since I quit my job and work from home. Malaysia Most Wanted is probably 7.5 years old, and I am happy it’s still relevant today, and I am sadden I didn’t do more for it. I am happy that I manage to adapt to working from home, and even happier that I “retire” from freelancing, and very happy to spend time on projects which interest me. I guess I am having my unicorn job. Now, only if I manage to make a game, complete Travelopy, make Malaysia Most Wanted fun to use (besides useful), travelling as a lifestyle …

In 2013, I came to accept the idea of having children of my own. My logical mind always wonder why create more "problems" to oneself, I still can't figure it out, but it feels like the right time and right thing to do.

In 2013, I bought "hackerio", replacing optimus.

hackerio

In 2013, I wanted a “True Life”, yet the image of a “True Life” is very vivid in my mind, then I saw message I left for 2013: May everyone find peace and meaning in their life. I am still feeling very restless now, so many things I wanted to do, with so many distractions and so many things not done. I need to find peace within my heart: it is a journey which I don't have the map.

Goodbye 2013.

Surviving a less than perfect life 苦中作乐

Though I know it is almost impossible to achieve perfectness (except in Street Fighter), it doesn’t means I didn’t try to make life perfect, or at least aiming to achieve something much better than the current state. I try to get better grades in school (did I?), change job in search of the better career, turn my life upside-down in realizing my dream, learning to live a meaningful life without regrets, etc.

What happens when things didn’t get better, but getting worse? What if we stumbled upon some problems, which couldn’t be solved immediately, but might take years or the problem could never go away all together? This reminds me of Beautiful Mind: where John Nash couldn’t get rid of his imaginary friends, but realize the fact that his imaginary friends are not real.

As much as we desire only happiness in life, we also have to accept life does comes with certain dosage of uncertainty and challenges which crop up from times to times. Sometimes it just took some planning and effort to solve these challenges, and sometimes we get some stubborn challenges with no obvious solution in sight. Even though we manage to clear the level this time, something bigger and more badass might appear the next time around.

How do we live with this “problematic” life? Perhaps I find wisdom in a Chinese proverb 苦中作乐, which means finding happiness within hardship. In a certain sense, we can’t prevent shit from happening, but we certainly can control how we react towards it. And most of the time, despite the shit that is happening, it’s a probably just a small part of our life that we over magnify it. I believe another problem is that we don’t like the fact the shit stick on us, it makes us feel uneasy and want to get rid of it immediately, but we can’t, at least not so fast, and that leads to further frustration. In a certain sense, I believe we have make peace with shit and have a ceasefire treaty, until the time is right to finish it off, or maybe not.

Living an imperfect life, might be the journey required to lead a perfect life. Without frustration, happiness shall have a lesser value.

A True Life

Life is not static, thus the art of living keep on evolving. My way of life is not the same as 10 years ago, though some of the old values still remain. I usually do a yearly review of what I had done for the past year, and followed by a New Year resolution on what I should do next. I have some left over ideas from last year, but I felt the lack the determination to push forward this year. To truly understand what I should set out to accomplish this coming year, I probably have to understand myself better, or how I had changed.

I believed I have probably a few guiding principles in life, or some new principles I would like to adopt lately, perhaps from there I could learn a thing or two about what I want to do:

• Life should be lived without regrets.
• Work is not an isolated part of life, where we sacrifice our passion and soul for money; it should be meaningful and fulfilling.
• Enjoyment of life shall not be delayed until retirement; it’s supposed to happen every now and then.
• The ability to admit mistake and weakness is priceless.
• I wanted to be a programmer for life: the ability to create is priceless.
• Life should have time to do various things besides work, watch movie and sleep; to try hardware hacking, to go hiking, to build on stupid but fun ideas, to play games, to travel to new places …
• Life should be free: free from the burden of money, free from the chores which doesn't interest us, free from bureaucracy and claws of social expectations, free from worldly possessions.
• The ability to sustain a business is priceless, but the effort to milk more money out of it could spoil the game; if you can, don’t take venture money.
• Imagination and Dream should not be absent from life as we grow older.

When I was young, I wanted to become a millionaire by the age of 30, and I am willing to work my ass off to achieve that. I still have the millionaire dream, but I am not willing to work my ass off and sacrifice plenty of time to achieve that. I wanted a life.

What is a life? Life is living it truthfully, doing what we really want to do, and the end result is fulfillment. I might just feel like laze around for a week, but there isn't any fulfillment out of it; I might require some rest, which is fine. When I choose to do something, or not to do something, there should be a great sense of “rightness” for making that decision, which should lead to a better life. I probably quit my employment life because too much time is wasted doing meaningless things, for the meager amount of money which could not lead to the life I wanted. Freelancing is slightly better because I don’t have to do stupid things like in a bureaucratic environment, but it still lacks the sense of satisfaction. When I finally get to build things I truly wanted to create, I felt really happy; when the things I build make some money, it’s a great consolation. I knew employment and freelancing would bring me more money in the short term, but I am pretty sure I won’t be happy or satisfied. I need to do work which fulfill the life which I desire: not necessary making millions to support my luxurious early retirement, but making work doesn't feel like work, but work of fun and fulfillment.

I want a true life, and I should do things which shall enable me to have such a life. I shall continue building what I always set out to build, and I shall work on a few stupid ideas which make me happy, and I should try a few things which I always wanted to try. Lack of time is not an excuse.

In 2013, I shall:

• Build something which enable people to enjoy travel and eating
• Attend a few hardware hacking sessions at MakeKL
• Work on a few stupid ideas
• Not sure I can squeeze some time to make a game
• Take 2 months off to travel around
• Living a true life

May everyone find peace and meaning in their life :)

你有遗忘吗？

虽然我的文笔不是很好，但中文对我而言，还是最能让人抒发情感的语文，只是太多理智的英文让我遗忘了中文。最近看了一部电影“遗忘”，是林心如工作室的微电影；它的“遗忘”有双重意义，一是失忆，也是忘了生活。电影拍得不错，但更重要的是，让我有所启发。

我们大多数时间，都在忙这个，忙那个；然而，我们为生活而操劳，那我们有真正过生活吗？我们所忙的，都是我们想要的吗？都是值得的吗？电影中的女主角攀上了事业的高峰，失忆后，很自然的觉得事业一点也不可贵，一点也不恋倦；最开心的事，都是一些平凡琐碎的事，谈谈心事，煮煮菜，一起看看书。要在竞争激烈的社会当中成为胜利者，要付出的代价，要改变的自己，这一切都值得吗？

如果不拼事业，那该拼的又是什么。人生本来就有很多梦想，挣钱肯定不是其中一个。有人想当画家，小说家或漫画家，环游世界，喜欢音乐或舞蹈，回乡耕种或搞民宿。或没有追求什么梦想，只是多陪陪身边的人，多看自己喜欢的书，听音乐或看电影，多与朋友家人相聚，谈谈心事。到底哪些是重要的事，那些是无聊的事，那可要真正醒悟的你，摸摸心底才知道。

所谓物极必反，凡是太多也不是一件好事：工作太多，或休息太多。我们总有个想法，就是趁年轻时或还没成立家庭就要拼；我也很难去评论这是对或错。人生吗，就是要懂得何时去拼，何时去休息，何时去享受。在拼与享受之间，有没有失去不应该失去的，衡量想要得到的东西有没有价值。钱本身是没有价值的，只是废纸和号码；如何运用得来的财富，才能得到人生中的幸福，才是我应该要懂得的。

废话一大篇之后，哪又该怎么样？明天的人生又会走得如何不一样？对我而言，人生是不断的探索，尝试，学习和改变；十年前所定下的生活方针，十年后又可能不一样了，但原先的原则，又好像有部分保持不变。忙要忙得有价值，不时要思考自己忙的是什么，有没有把自己卖了，有没有把最珍贵的东西当了。脚步停下来时，这一切还值得吗？失忆了，这一切是能令你幸福的事吗？人生吗，不就是要过得无悔。

忙归忙，脚步还是要不时慢下来，做自己应该做的事。人生吗，不要把它遗忘就是了。

2012 Reflection

It’s the last Sunday of 2012, it’s night, and it’s the perfect time to reflect, ponder and feel good about wasting time :) Looking back on what I wrote for the beginning of 2012, it feels like a wasted post with nothing to look forward or reflect on. I guess I had forgotten about my feelings back then.

The shitty part about setting goals is we shall feel miserable if we didn’t achieve them, and not necessary happy if we did. But without goals, it feels kinda lost and empty. The heart yearns for something, and goals are just translation of the wishes.

My “Shitty” Startup

I think the end of 2011 is around the time Silicon Valley Comes to Malaysia hits town, and I was pumped up about applying for funding, join some incubators and competition, looking for co-founder and looking forward to develop a “real business model” for my startup. The funny thing is none of these happened or work out and perhaps I had made a fool of myself, but today I am fairly please that none of these wishes came true. Today I still own 100% of my “shitty” startup, with no co-founders or investors to disagree with, and it had a 150% income growth without a “real bossiness model” which is really good for me, financially stable to embark on the next adventure, and I feel really happy and tasted some freedom (something which I always look forward to).

I didn't actually accomplish much in 2012 in terms of productivity, but I guess the time is ripe to rip the fruits after years of ploughing. It is true a true reflection of opportunities awaits those who are prepared for it.

Sadly, Malaysia Most Wanted Prices and Events didn't work out, so I will probably shut it down soon.

End of Consultation & Freelancing

Year 2012 marks the end of consultation and freelancing for me, partly due to my startup business is picking up and I got tired of freelancing after 5 years, and made worse by a couple of collection issues and bad debts.

Freelancing is tough (dealing with customer expectations), but it does pay the bills. Sadly, the experience isn't very satisfactory, as it feels like selling your soul for money: the customer will never pay you enough to produce the best product, or understand the price and elements of a good product. What is the difference between mobile apps with a development budget of RM 5000 vs. RM 50,000? Most of the time customer pays for features, but it’s very difficult to price the user experience, look and feel, fragmentation support, scalability, etc.

In a very crude sense, a prostitute can’t be a wife. You can pay for sex, but you can’t buy love and care.

Life and Travel

Freedom of life is important to me, which include financial freedom, having time to do other things besides work, and don’t have to sell my soul for money. With the growth of Malaysia Most Wanted Food and retirement from freelancing, I felt that it’s a big step towards the right direction.

If my memory serves me right, I only manage to do one significant travel in Vietnam for close to a month. I do enjoy the last travel, not too rush, not too complicated. I was probably hooked with the idea of travelling about 8 years ago, and I am still looking forward to achieve my one year travel plan someday :)

Sometimes life comes up with a little extra challenge besides work and love. I ended having to revive my teaching affair at my cousin’s school due to a strange twist of fate, which I never quite truly enjoy because it doesn't feels right. Teaching PowerPoint to students so that they could pass some Microsoft Exam is not exactly my idea of education or fun, but it does reminds me that sometimes exam could bring the best out some someone. Two of my students try to take the exam twice but failed. I could sense that the idea of failure does bother the students, and one of them does stand up to the challenge, being more focus and determined, and I could really feel his improvement and confidence built-up, and I forecasted he would pass on the third try, which he did. As much as I dislike the idea of exam, but totally abolishing it might not be a good idea as well.

In the last month of 2012, I became the unglamourous chairman to save my apartment from turning into a cowboy town, with only RM 7,500 in the bank account, RM 40,000 of water debt, 30% cost overrun and residents reluctant to pay maintenance due to the worsen situations. It’s a tough challenge to handle, which I forsee could easily takes 3 months to turn the tide (with some luck on our side), and plenty of things happening in between. I believe things happen for a reason, and running away or ignoring it is probably not the right way to do it.

Good or Bad?

I think 2012 is probably one of the better years for me, with more “excitements” as well. As we get older, it’s sometimes tougher to hang on hope and trust, believing that human are naturally good. Some people decided that it’s okay to not pay someone after engaging their services, while some people decided its okay not to pay maintenance fee because they are not happy with how things are, and not to mentioned all the bad things people did to each other on the news everyday. I wish everyone would be more understanding and think of others beside themselves, where the employers mustn't forget how it feels like to be an employee, and the employee trying to understand the difficulties of the bosses. Why do I need to believe that everyone is naturally good? If not, I shall be living among the scumbags, and that is not a good thing.

The world we live in, need a little bit of care, understanding and forgiveness, so that we can start living as human in this humanly world again. When you stop caring about others, others shall stop caring about you; and what kind of world would all of us be living in? That shall be the end of life as we know it. Never do something to hurt others intentionally or unintentionally, neither shall we do something we shall regrets.

I hope everyone could still feel their good heart.

The Unglamorous Chairman

Unexpected in the month of December 2012, I volunteered myself as the committee member of the Management Corporation (MC) of my apartment while the ex-committee and management company decided to quit due to financial difficulties and disappointment with the residents. In the next 2 days, I was voted as the Chairman because I was late for the meeting 5 minutes. Now, I am the Chairman of the MC of my apartment, on a rescue mission to save the apartment from turning into a cowboy town, with only RM 7,500 in the bank account, RM 40,000 of water debt, 30% cost overrun and residents reluctant to pay maintenance due to the worsen situations.

I landed on an unglamorous job (with a glamorous title) with a whole load of shits to handle.

Why shit happened?

The apartment is having a water leakage problem since 2007 (suspected due to aged water pipes), and our monthly water billed had increased from 2007’s RM 7000 to 2012’s RM 13,000 (at its peak, we are paying RM 17,000 per month). Countless committees and management companies for years had tried to solve this issue, but the water bill fails to go below its RM 13,000/month mark.

Poor man can’t be chooser; as we get poorer due to the water leakage (loosing between RM 6000 to RM 10,000 per month), we still try to maintain the “luxury” life of 3 security guards per shift, a private management company, full-time cleaners and etc. Even though the maintenance fee is raised 50% last year, it just couldn't sustain its current operations. Any logical person would ask why not reduce the services? I believe the answer has very much to do with the psychology of the residents, which I shall explain shortly.

To Rescue or Punish

Like all company with in bad financial situations, it’s time to come up with some serious cost cutting measures and prioritize spending. It’s slightly “easy” for us that the previous management terminated all the services, thus we basically start with zero cost.

In the beginning, some residents suggested that we should “punish” those who didn’t pay the maintenance charges by not restoring the security guards and let SYABAS terminate the water, thus forcing these people to bear the consequences of their actions. I was swayed by this argument for a while, until I realize this is not wise for various reasons (I got persuaded by another Committee member):

• We will end up disappointing 70% of the “good residents” just to punish 30% of the bad apples
• If someone get hurt due to the lack of security, it shall haunt my conscience
• Water termination will cause much inconvenience for the children and old folks
• If we punish everyone (even though some agreed to be punished), there shall be no hope in restoring support and order

Basically, we acted against the will of the vocal residents and restore security guard. Then we went to SYABAS to negotiate an installment plan for the debt, the tabled the solution in the resident meeting, where a majority (sadly only 10% of the residents attended the meeting) voted to pay SYABAS to avoid water termination.

Our plan is to control the expenditures, increase the collection rate, solve the water leakage, restore operations and restore fairness. Luckily we have a cooperative committee, and some helpful residents.

How people think?

After talking and interacting with lots of residents, I realize I learned a lot about human nature in one month than the last 30 years of my life.

• During the week where security is absent, security is not at risk but parking chaos happened. Residents who park used to park their cars outside the apartment compound (they have 2 cars but no second car park) started to park their car in the compound on others’ parking space, or park inconsiderately on the walkway.
• Surprisingly, when only one security guard is restored and stationed at the gate entrance (there is nothing much a one man guard could do), the parking chaos is 90% gone.
• Surprisingly, some residents’ main concern is whether someone sweeps the floor of the compound, not about better security or solving water leakage or financial problem.
• Even in time of crisis, most people couldn't make the painful choice of cost cutting.
• Most residents despise unfairness, wanted the committee to take action against those residents who didn't pay maintenance charges.
• Most residents just wanted an avenue to rant about the problems, but still willing to pay the maintenance charges and be a “good citizen” for the common good. The main tasks of committees are listening to the residents, and assure them things are under control. Talk less, listen more.
• Some of the debtors refuse to pay due to “personal” reasons, such as broken relationship with the committee members, clerical errors and disappointment with the services, lack of communication channels, etc.
• Even at time of crisis, some people still expect optimum services and refuse to participate in resident meetings, and perhaps think that things will magically be restored.
• Most people would start to make their own assumption without approaching the committee for clarifications, which allow false rumors to spread easily. I personally believe communication channel are important, where we put notices on notice board, request for resident’s email to send out weekly updates, have resident meetings, but I believe we hardly reach 60% of the residents effectively.
• The chicken and egg situation: some residents expect “the good old days” and optimum services to return before they are willing to pay the maintenance charges, but the entire operation could collapse if less than 70% of the residents pay the maintenance charges.
• There is always a 10% hardcore people who resist or oppose, and another 10% who are helpful and supportive. Another 40% are "good citizens" who do their part and continue to pay maintenance, while another 40% sitting on the fence with a wait and see attitude. Our job is to convert the last 40%.
• Personal conflicts between people, lack of tolerance for people with different views and harsh tone and languages are the main causes of failure in this conflict. Be polite, be listening, willingness to sacrifice, explain your plans and views, and ask for support and show gratitude. It's somehow like a politician running for election, except that there is no financial or power gain here.

Take for Granted Expectation

There are certain things in life where we take for granted, where we assume as long as we pay our taxes, there shall be policemen, firemen and doctors to take care of us; as long as we pay our bills, there shall be water, electricity, communication and Internet; as long as we pay our apartment maintenance, there shall be services like security, cleaning, maintenance of basic amenities and etc.

What if these things suddenly disappear, and what should we do? Suddenly it’s bestowed upon us to take over the management of the country, or become policemen, or required to take actions to restore water and electricity supply.

Would you rather sit still and hope for the “good old days” to return, or decide to take actions and make it happen? Or would it be possible that someone unconsciously prevented order from being restored?

Why become the unglamorous Chairman?

Logically, it doesn't make sense to become the Chairman of an apartment in dire financial where the supportive level of residents are dwindling. The job doesn't pay, and consume plenty of hours and sleepless night, and the committee would probably be blamed if we fail to turn this around, and we don’t really expect rewards or thanks even if we made it. Why not spend the time and effort with our family, or develop our career and business?

Initially, I refuse to accept that this situation could not be solved, thus I volunteered. Then, I hate the lousy feelings of having to quit and give up. Perhaps in a certain sense, I felt it’s time for me to do good to others (besides my family), to give back to the community so to say. Now I try to convince myself this could serve as a valuable lessons in my life, where I could learn something from it. Deep down, I naively wanted to believe that human are intrinsically good in nature, that there is still hope for humanity so to speak. I believe in kindness and hope. I refuse to believe that residents in my apartment are somehow more inferior than others.

In the time of darkness, hope and trust is the only beacon of light: trust that people are genuinely good, and hope that people would be understanding and do the right thing.

Handbook to the life of Joy and No Regrets: The Bucket List

Just watched the The Bucket List, about two terminally ill strangers decide to create a bucket list together (list of things to do before you die), and work through the list. The billionaire decide to do something crazy and have fun, while the mechanic who regretted the life he had given up decide to seek the missing love for his wife on their new journey. They do some crazy and stupid stuff, travel the world, and chase some ideals and dreams; at the end, the things which they desired the most had always be with them (friendship and love), yet it will require an adventure and travel around in order to get “home”. This movie is a reminder to me: am I living a life which I truly desired? Focusing on the things which really matter to me? No putting any good plans on hold, building up huge pile of regrets along the way?

In order to find out the answer, I would say the best way is to create my own bucket list: so that I know what is not so important, what are the things which I always want to do, and probably how to have fun. Hopefully along the way, I would be able to live everyday as if it is the last.

“You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death. When their souls got to the entrance to heaven, the guards asked two questions. Their answers determined whether they were able to enter or not.  ‘Have you found joy in your life?’ 'Has your life brought joy to others?’” -- The Bucket List

The Big Travel Plan
I once planned to travel the world for one year before I hit 30, but that didn’t happened, and now I am probably 33. What is holding me back? Partly I sacrifice it for developing a business with a friend which didn’t quite work out, and also the typical worry about sacrificing on financial support for my future family plan, and worry the hell out of my parents for trying to be a bump for a year. There are definitely a psychological barrier and plenty of excuses for not doing it, and at the same time, I still can’t shake the idea of my mind.

I try to satisfy the desire with short adventures, first spending a month in Nepal, then another trip to India and China, which are fun and memorable, yet it still isn’t my ideal travel. I don’t really like short trips (less than a week), as it all seems too rush, trying to cover too many grounds with too little time, it’s more tiring than enjoyable. One month sounds good, yet sometimes we are too greedy as well, trying to get to too many places, and it involved a lot of cumbersome logistic planning. I really like Nepal, India is chaotic but a good experience, and finally I didn’t get the kick out of China. Why? Perhaps we do too much sight-seeing, being more like a tourist than traveler. There is little connection with the people and culture of the place, or we didn’t sink in to really feel the place, or we didn’t found the perfect place.

What is my perfect plan? It should be something along this line: move around places, until we found a place which we really like, and stay there for a week or months, and immerse in the simple daily life in a new place. There is no need to find a tourist-packed monuments and scenic view, as there could be a tasteful back alley and perfect restaurant just waiting around the corner, with no crowd but serenity.

Now I know what I truly desire, and I have my little perfect plan laid out, what should I really do? This is the part where I truly don’t know how to proceed, except to pick a destination, buy the air ticket, start packing and be ready to go. I probably could summon enough courage to do another one month journey, but how do I really let go? Unless, I know I have less than a year to live.

To a certain extent, I don’t mind postponing the plan for a while, but until when? Do I do it by next year? Do I wait until the day my business got acquired for a million dollar, and then I pack my bags? Do I wait until my children (assuming I have them) grow up, and then we go together? Or someday somehow, when the times come, I shall know it.

Opportunities await man who is ready, and I do need a plan to make The Big Travel plan works. Different people work in different way, some could just pack their bags and go, some would never do it, and some do it at a slower pace. I am not a spontaneous person, and I probably won’t force myself to become one, so I need to come up with a plan which works for me. There are probably two show stopper for me: work and children. Since the children are still an uncertain plan, so let’s put that aside first. I think I can’t just bump around while traveling for a year; it should be a way of life where I travel, play and work in new places. I don’t plan to do waitressing as work, though I won’t mind short term work in a farm, but the best sustainable way I could come up with is to build an online empire.

The Online Startup
I always like online business, where I could run it from anywhere. I dislike business which requires physical contact and constant interruption from customers, as this would limit and affect the quality of my life; nor do I want to take the risk of physical stocks and physical business maintenance. It’s priceless to have a morning without phone call interruption, and no constant urgency which require me to attend to something ASAP. Management of a business which doesn’t require anything physical (no physical contact, no stock, no management, no logistic), money will come rolling in without the need to chase for payment. I want to create the ultimate online business, where nothing is physical and everything is self-serviced.

This online business will fuel the Big Travel Plan

Live life as if it was my last day, is something I am still learning to practice.

Let’s fill up the rest of the bucket list on another day :)

My Startup Manifesto 1.0

Work = Happiness
Work is a major part of life; don’t treat as an isolated part of our life.

Too many people sacrifice their happiness and stick with a job which they dislike or hated just to put food on the table.

I must figure out a way to put food on the table while doing something which brings me happiness, and this is not an option.

Play by Strength and Passion
Understand what I am good at, and do something which could leverage on my strength. I shall accomplish more doing things I am good it and passionate about, thus making me happier.

I suck at sales (especially face-to-face closing), so I should not build a sales-centric business like Groupon.

I should not develop application which I have little understanding of or I’m not the intended users (no matter how lucrative or promising it might sounds), such as a CRM system.

I like developing Consumer Internet application and reasonably good at it, and I like to learn and experiment with growth hacking.

I always wanted to develop a game while I have little experience, which is fine as a weekend project, but this is unlikely to bring food on the table in the near future. Besides, I am not interested in building a commercially successful game, I wanted to build a game which I really like to play.

Understand and Choose Wisely
Opinions are the cheapest commodities on earth, so make sure we seek it from the right person. Jeff Hoffman put it perfectly, “Don't take advice from golfer if you want to play baseball”. If I want to validate an idea, ask the potential customers and users; then again, sometimes the customers doesn’t even know what they want :)

A startup could either choose to bootstrap or seek funding, but do understanding it’s a very different path which leads us to do things differently.

To bootstrap, I develop the app as I see fit (regardless of trend), grow it, iterate it and monetize it to achieve sustainability, then it’s quite a personal success. Understand that bootstrap has its financial limitation, so I can’t build a social network and go head on with Facebook. We probably have a better chance of survival by focusing locally, especially in non-US market (less competitions means cheaper to start and compete). There shall be no glamour.

To seek funding, I have to do pitching, convince strangers that it’s great idea, fit a typical founder profile (minimum 2 founder, serial entrepreneur, work in FB or Google before, etc.), get social proof by mingling with influential VCs, and probably pivot it into something to fit the current trend or the VC’s taste (and the VC might not understand the business more than you). Some ideas just won’t get funded, especially if the market is too small (must scale globally) or not disruptive enough (a review site is considered “old”, a social network is cool, and social photo sharing is the hype).

I was told making a deal with VC is selling your soul to the devil: If I can, I would rather avoid VC money; it probably also means I won’t be filthy rich or famous. I would rather spend my time hacking the product and let the market validate it. Then again, everything and everyone has a price (I don't pursuit the devil, but the devil might knock on my doors) :)

At times, I was hoping there would be a wise Guru to enlighten me, or an accelerator will spread some magic dust  to make my startup fly. What if Steve Jobs or Bill Gates is my mentor, would it make my startup successful? It probably would help in the sense they could help to open some doors, but I doubt anything beyond that. The magic is within me, and they are plenty ways and resources to learn from.

Freedom
At the end of the day, what I really wanted is Freedom: the choice to do what I really wanted to do. My dream is to travel the world, then remotely manage my online kingdom :)

Taking VC money takes part of the freedom away: I am no longer the only boss, and I can’t just work on any idea without being backed up by some feasibility studies and convincing the investors. Is adult supervision really a good thing? Maybe, maybe not.


Going IPO brings in more money in exchange for less freedom as well: you no longer work on an idea because it’s good, you do it to squeeze more money for shareholder. There shall never be enough money.

The price to pay for Freedom? No glamour and doesn’t become filthy rich, but definitely a lot more peaceful and happy.

It’s like a child allowed to play with his toys without adult restrictions. To me, that's the ultimate happiness.

Free Willie: The Complicated Quest for Freedom

You know how movie nowadays starts with the opening of a poor guy working his ass off in a corporate world (in dull color), getting his ass kicked, asked to conform and yet not getting the recognition he so much desired. Living in a cold city, with not much of the money he tried so hard to earn, losing out in life, time, health, family and yet still couldn't game the system. He lives in a rat race with no future and no way of getting out, until one day, something happens …

Morpheus to Neo: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

In a certain way, all of us employed is the poor bastard in the movie,  may we be an executive or a manager; either you work in a cubicle, or run around getting rejected day in and day out. We sell our time and some part of our soul for money: our salary. The company make no promise to take care of us, or do they care to understand us; they make the commitment to shareholder to make more money, and that’s all there is. Why anyone in their saint mind would want to be employed forever and ever. I understand there is the need to put food on the table, and perhaps to join a company to learn a thing or two; but what happened after that? How do we come up with the conclusion to do this for life, and what do we expect out of it?

I been through the corporate life, and understand how it is both delusional and comforting at the same time. We just need to clock in day in and day out, handle some shitty work (sounds like challenge at times), complaint and gossip a little, believe that promotion is a good thing coming and retrenchment is something not going to happened to us. Even if it’s true that no really bad shit happened to us, what do we really get out of it? It feels like a safe and comforting path, but then again it boils down to the questions that how to we want to live our life, and it this the right way for me? Something is missing, and it doesn't feels right, but I don't know what else to do, and it becomes obvious once I snap out of it. What was once my only way of making a living, become something worthless and a waste of time.

I believe some of us live in the present moment, where we take our job easy, and understand really well that there is a life beyond the job, and the job provides for that life. I am happy for those who can life in the present moment, which is what I was not that long ago. Some people live in the past, which is something I couldn’t comprehend or explain, as I have no experience. I at this moment live in the future; I plan the patch for the future, work for the future, and perhaps sacrifice for the future. Whenever I do something, the questions which always play in my mind are: is this good for my future? How long can I continue to do this? Does it satisfy my ultimate desire, freedom!

My thinking is kinda ironic, it’s like saying we need a war to end a war; I sacrifice freedom to gain freedom. Human is a complicated being, we wanted something so much, that we are afraid to get it immediately. I know the city is a cold place (though convenient), and I desire to live in the country side, but I can never quite get myself to pack my bags and go. I manage to satisfy that desire with a 1 month holiday, but I still can’t cross the line or 3 months, and maybe 1 year, or perhaps forever. Why is that so? Besides my dad will frown upon me if he knows I am enjoying myself with no work for a few months (which I know it’s just an excuse for myself), what’s really stopping me? I suspect it’s security, and the need for money to feel secured; sooner or later the money will run dry, or we would require more money in certain cases, that we would need to break our holiday dream and get our sorry ass back into reality and start earning money again. Why can’t my country side lifestyle be just another way of life (an alternate reality to the city life), where I work as a farmer I supposed? I guess all those movies show that farmer always get into financial difficulties one way or another, haha.

So, life is complicated again. I know what is shit to me, so I don’t do shit. I desire freedom, and believe freedom requires money, so I can sacrifice for money. But I don’t really work for money for the sake of money (else, I would be doing shit), so I choose my passion and live a dream. There is some necessary evil, which are not really evil because sometimes we are just too comfortable before our time comes. Until then, let’s work our ass off in something we really believe in; something which shall lead us to happiness in the end.

2012: Yet Another New Hope

100 minutes of the New Year just swoop by, while I spend my time watching the deep (by superhero movie standard) and twisted Watchmen. The sounds of fireworks outside reminded that the new year has arrived, yet I am too lazy to get up and go out, but I decide to make and effort and go out anyway, but all the fireworks are blocked by nearby buildings. I raise my hand in air and shake my hand and body like an insane person, saying “yeah!” to usher in the New Year. 2012 is no longer the future, it’s here.

New Year, New Hope, New Beginning, and Hopefully not too much of the same old shit.

Year-end usually felt slightly shitty psychologically (in regardless of the holiday mood, like a bad hangover), knowing the year had passed and the feeling of we accomplished so little and “wasted” so much time? What had we accomplished? What do we intent to accomplish? What are we doing? We are wasting time living our life. Perhaps we wish for more wealth, more acknowledgement, more gains, more love, less misery and misfortune. Then again, perhaps no news is good news. Then again, we are all greedy being which are not easily satisfied. We wish for the simplest thing, yet we always over complicated things. We always wanted the things we never have (or yet to have, like a child wishing to grow up faster, and later wishing to age slower), else life would have ended.

If I believe end of the world is coming, I am not quite sure what should I do; pack my bags and travel the world, or stop living my life, and how do we actually love our loves one more every day? Can we actually increase the amount of love pumped in per day, or perhaps the current dosage is just fine. So if the end of the world is coming, I would prefer not to be preempted about it, it just adds more misery and it lessens the hope for mankind.

Anyway, after the year end, it feels good because we are being reminded that the old just pass us a few hours ago, and the new is here. It’s like life got a reboot, where the machine is running faster again with more memory to spare (and all the bad problems are gone). We forgotten about the pain and despair, and we are all set to march towards our hope, to reach the destination which we missed last year, and to create bigger and better destination for this year. We are all pumped up, and ready to take on the world, as we have another 12 months to do a lot of stuff. We are going to OWN the world, and the people of the year shall be us.

2012 have to be a better year; else there is nothing to look forward to. In fact, it’s going to be a great year, a year of accomplishment and great satisfaction. Of course we would pray for world peace, less natural disaster and less financial crisis. We hope for less corruption, less stupid and greedy people staying in power, and more “right” things to happen. We want our loves ones to be happy and healthy, and wish everyone would find their dream and have the courage to chase that dream. I just wish everyone would be happy, in regardless of the long list of wishes and hopes.

Then again, if we aren’t specific, we aren’t going to accomplish anything and be happy about it, as the pursuit of hapyness is very broad and we might get lost within. My current ultimate dream is to go into semi-retirement within 3 years, and start doing things because it’s fun and meaningful, not because I have to. Until then, I would give it all out to give birth to 2 consumers Internet Application: Foodoly (morphing from Malaysia Most Wanted Food) and Travelopy, by working really hard and nurture them to grow strong and healthy. All out, not holding back, until I ran out of excuses in regardless of the outcome.

2012 shall be different, and great :) Happy New Year

A meaningful life, anyone?

I guess I wanted a meaningful and fruitful life, yet I cannot ignore the fact that I am still in the rat race having to make time to make money for a living. What is meaningful? Doing something I really wanted to what, whatever it is.

Once I thought I wanted to be a freelancer (as compared to be an employee), as I wanted more control and making a living purely based on my own capabilities (as compared to feeling disappointed with others and companies). It was quite challenging and interesting in the beginning, but it sort of got bored and gotten fed-up with certain aspect of it.

Then I wanted to switched from pure freelancer to a web entrepreneur (building online services and databases which people require), which seems more fun, have a greater impact with better sustainability. I do really like it most of the time, but certain aspect of the work is quite boring and cause procrastination (as in right now). I felt it is a right balance between my interest and making a living.

Lately, I tend to skew the balance towards my interest rather than making a living. Psychologically we do indeed want to do something fun and interesting, but the logical and worrisome mind will be still thinking about making a living. Of cause the ideal situation would be that we have enough dough for a comfortable living, thus we can focus on your interest and meaning in life, rather than making a living. Again, my balance is temporary disrupted by my inner desire to do something “better”; so it’s of utmost importance that I get out of the rat race as soon as possible to achieve happiness, freedom and meaning (thus the luxury to do whatever the f*** I want, bypassing my worrisome mind). Or, if I can convince myself forget about making a living (which seems impossible due to my Chinese gene).

So how much is enough (can't be too abstract, right?)? I am not a financial expert, but perhaps achieving semi-passive RM10K monthly income or RM 1 million in cash in the next 5 years? Sound far-fetched? Perhaps, but it’s meant to be difficult but achievable; else everyone would have done it. Making a good income but with no freedom and time is equally meaningless.

As for the rewards, what do I really want to do?

• Develop a semi-passive business to sustain my comfortable living
• To develop a game which I would enjoy the most
• To travel and experience life in foreign places up to a year
• Take up some art & craft as hobby
• Perhaps to start an urban gardening business

It’s all started with a dream :)

Friendship v2

Just when I felt like writing about friendship, I had déjà vu moment thinking perhaps I had done this before, and indeed I had.

Perhaps the “friendship problem” plagues everyone. We used to spend so much time together, and now we hardly have time for each other; worse still that we have nothing to share with each other as we no longer “live together”. We can hardly live without them, yet we hardly put them in the first place.

I used to think we would find our best and longest lasting friend in our secondary school, but my perception kinda changed slightly: I no longer feel the close knit, as I don’t quite know what to chat about and I don’t anything much beyond their official job description. Perhaps I lose out in maintaining our relationship through CNY reunion, as I already move out from our hometown; and the only contact I have with them is probably through wedding dinner (and I didn’t attend all of them). Slowly but surely, everything eventually felt more comfortable in memory, but not in reality. The distance is very real, and I felt it a lot. The same goes for ex-colleagues, what once seems so close had gotten so far. The only comfort is that it’s never forgotten, hopefully for eternity.

I am not quite sure what I hope for, and what I can do about it. It’s just a feeling of sadness, sad because it is no longer there. On one side I felt that it’s a natural progression, as we move on to a new chapter of our life and we meet new people. On the other side, I felt something wrong with the natural progression, yet I am not quite sure what can I do to make it better. I don’t look for them, and they don’t look for me, and everyone is occupied with their new life, and we don’t share the same things we used to anymore, except for our memory.


For out of some odd reason, we visited Christine in Hong Kong, a friend I knew through my KK trip many years back. In the beginning we have a lot to talk to each other, but then the conversation kinda faded; then she came to our wedding and became our MC, together with Terrence and Joanne. Then the friendship is “re-ignited”, or at least we found some interesting common topic again. I do feel the relationship is kinda special and fated in many ways with is logically, not quite possible. Perhaps her characteristic had a big role to play in it, where during my last visit I learned that she did indeed manage to maintain very close relationship with many of her old friends until today (we are talking about 20+ years of friendship and still going out together once in a while). I do envy their relationship and closeness, and wonder how they manage to keep close. Perhaps they meet up every weekend for Sunday sermon, but many church goers I know didn’t manage to achieve that as well. Perhaps it’s the close knitted society of Hong Kong, or perhaps she is really a people person with a lot of free time in her hands. But I do believe the magic lies with her.


Perhaps I am just too cool of a guy who didn’t invest much to maintain a relationship which is no longer convenient; or waiting for others to make the first step to “re-ignite” the relationship. I do take the friendship by heart, just that not sure how to make it “work” as I wish it would be. I know we are all busy with more personal and work engagement, but I wish I have some of Christine’s magic. As a consolation prize, at least I still manage to attend some wedding dinners, a CNY dinner session, hiking with them, and the really very occasional Yum Cha session.

2011

I always like the beginning of the year, where it represents fresh start and new hope, and we can decide on our ambitious master plan for the year. We review what we had done, and decide that we had not done enough, and renew our interest and determination to achieve even more for the year.

Looking back at my “master plan” aka New Year resolution for year 2010, I realize I had few misses and a few changes of plan. I decide that I wouldn’t not have enough time to venture into new online creative business, where it’s better to focus on my core business plan instead. I also decided that property investment might not be ideal as it involved quite some physical maintenance, where I could achieve good return on share market investment as well (with more liquidity and flexibility).

On the bright side, I did get married and gotten myself a lovely wife and started our lovely life together in our lovely home. And I did start to donate slightly into UNICEF. For MalaysiaMostWanted, MMW Food remains the top online food guide in Malaysia, and we ventured into keeping track of historical property price.

2010 had been quite a hectic year with badly managed projects (which didn't become very profitable), marriage and travel planning, thus my business accomplishment is slightly less than desirable. This in turns serve as a reminder to get me to focus more energy and time to a more concrete plan this year.

My objective remains the same, which is to gain freedom in life (no longer be selling my time, soul and life for money). To do so, I shall achieve the following in 2011

• To expand MMW to Travel and Price Comparison, and to upgrade existing platform in tune with current standards and expectations
• To start mobile application development to complement MMW
• To start an International Information Guide on Cool Products, Freeware, Comics, etc.

My business model is very simple: to create and systematically archive web information, so that it can deliver useful information to users. How do I make money? I am not very good at this yet, but theoretically, the more information I have the more powerful I shall become. It might be hard to earn millions, but it shouldn't be too hard to generate a comfortable monthly income.


I am very motivated and there are a lot to be done. It’s time to fire warp speed 9, and ENGAGE!

Inception the Mind Game

I found that the Mind (or more precisely, the thought of an idea) had a very deep and powerful impact on me. Once I thought of doing something for several times, I found it very hard to shake it off my mind by not doing it. Once I found something better or more comfortable, I found that it’s very hard to go back to the old ways. I guess it’s good in a certain ways that I am always improving and “evolving”, rather than repeating the same old thing over and over again.


I have the idea of being an entrepreneur planted in me by my brothers during my secondary school years; and after numerous tries, I am self-employed and a semi-entrepreneur with still very motivated to move forward. I couldn’t shake the idea off even though I fail for a few times; and opportunities shall creep in again and again for me to do what my mind set to do. I am dissatisfied with the ex-bosses and ex-companies, and felt that I could do a better job on my own. Though I couldn’t be exceptional in every things, but I could find a formula which work for me eventually. I continue to find ways to do it; I couldn't give it up. Now, I couldn't go back to the old ways.

After I gain some success being a freelance software developer, I have an idea to move up one notch. Along the way I kind of ditch the idea of starting a software house to develop business application or do consulting; I wanted to something I like, something fun. Software Development for Business is frustrating at times, due to clients who aren’t quite sure what they want, business process which are either too complex or uncertain, and requirements which forever changes. Basically, I am just doing it for money, where my client pays for my services and patient. The only consolation is that I like programming, which keeps me going for a few years, until I found something better.

Still programming, but programming for something I like, something which I found interesting. I develop web application for people to find great places to eat, a way to compare and analyze property prices, and hopefully a few more fun projects like travelling guide (which I had been trying to do for the past 2 years), product price comparison or developing the most comprehensive archive of every places in Malaysia. Once I started on these idea, I couldn’t stop thinking about them and gotten very motivated on work on these idea. On the other end, my productivity on developing business application had gotten lower due to the lack of interest.

This dilemma is killing me slowly, where I end up procrastinating a lot while developing business application for others. I end up wasting even more time and doing less, with even less time to do what I wanted to do, and satisfaction level is at all time low.

My mind had taken control of me, and perhaps I had found something which I really like to work on (which is really great!)? It’s time to make a firm stand and stop “lying” to myself and not doing the right thing. I need to dedicate more time to do what I wanted to do, and make it work. To have peace and satisfaction.

OMG! How am I going to say NO the next time customers come knocking on my door? Say NO?!!! It's tough.

I get to know Edison better lately, because Mei Ru and I got him to be our wedding photographer, and he started sharing a bit of himself to us. He doesn’t want to turn his hobby (which is photography and editing) into a profession, thus he just does it on a “part-time” basis and he picks his clients (usually friends who are less demanding). At the same time, he don’t mind doing boring Graphic Design and Publication Work as his main job; as he treated that as work, not a hobby. So he got a very clear separation of work and hobby, and he doesn’t mix them. Just like Si Theng (another friend of mine), just treat baking and card making as hobby and don’t intend to turn them into business (just doing it for friends), while working on her maybe “boring” day job while she get to go home on time to play with her hobbies.

My problem is like I mix work with pleasure. I wanted to build a sustainable business which I would be happy to nurture it everyday; something I would like to work on for long term in the future. I still have my hobbies like Hiking, Dancing and Travelling. Another thing is there is limited time, as I can’t segregate 50-50 for work and hobby; thus I want my work to be something I have passion for, and something I would spend a lot of time to build upon. I have big plans for myself, where I refuse to walk the conventional path, something most people are willing to compromise because it’s a norm. I wanted a satisfactory change, I wanted something better, and I am trying to build something better while I can.

I am trying to build something better, while I can. I do need to remind myself that constantly before I loose track of it. I wanted something "perfect" for me.

Be True to Life

Suddenly, I felt that it is the utmost important for me to do what I wanted to do with my life. No more excuses of being busy or have no money. I need to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish, sooner or later (and hopefully not too late).


A lot of time, we hear words like “I wish I could do this and that, but it’s too late or I have no time or money …” Perhaps the obstacle isn’t that great, and we probably could make it if we really wanted to. Perhaps we do not have enough determination or desire to achieve what we wanted. Perhaps we are confused about what’s important, and what’s not. I have to admit, human are weak and confused at times.

Be True to my life: to accomplish what I wanted to do with my life, so that there are less regret and more satisfaction (and memory). We all live a busy life in a fast-paced world; yet time passes through and we have no idea what we had accomplished for ourselves. We are drowning into the void of business for unknown reasons. Perhaps we had loose track of what’s important in our life (or our mind)?

What is the real life? Is the Matrix the real thing, or Zion is the real thing? Can making a living co-exist with living our dream? Or we always have to sacrifice our life in the name of survival?

I plan to become a Millionaire by 25, then 30 (and it hasn’t work out yet). I wanted to travel around for 1 year before I reach 30, that didn’t work out as well (and I forgotten about it). I guess there shall be many misses and delay, but I still believe I shall make it one day (maybe 35 or 55?). Now I wanted to be eligible for retirement (don’t have to work anymore).

I manage to trek Kota Kinabalu, Tahan, Mount Semeru volcano mountain, Annapurna Circuit and hopefully India soon, and I do really feel great about them. I have friend who tour Europe for a month, or stay in Spain for a year, or heard of others taking working holiday in UK or Australia. I already spent 10 years in a office desk (though I change it to a home desk), and probably will continue to do so for the next 10-20 years (which I hope to cut short). I should explore the world outside my desk more often. I am glad that I tried dancing, went diving and rafting; but haven't tried bungee jumping and sky diving yet.

I believe I can live the life I wanted to live, thus I shall. Without believe and hope, there is nothing much to live for anymore. I wanted to be true with my life. I don’t want to sacrifice or get busy for nothing; I wanted to do something meaningful.

Who am I, again

A man plays many roles, as a son, a husband, an entrepreneur, and a citizen of earth and my country. The question on my mind is what I had become and what I want to become.


When I was young, most of it is about study and school life. Then came the moment to decide what discipline to study at college. Somehow I was influenced by In-Tech and Computimes, and is choosing between Engineering (Lego influence) and Computer Science; and I choose computer science because it requires less money to startup my own company (rather than the millions requires to setup my own factory). Why I wanted to start my own company? Perhaps it’s because I wanted to be like Bill Gates, or perhaps it’s the words of my brother that we need to be an entrepreneur in order to succeed (he didn’t became an entrepreneur as of this moment). That’s how I tie my fate with software.

College years are an eye opener for me, as I finally feels that the thing I learned are useful as in applicable in real life (I have no idea what the science and mathematics subjects are for during my secondary school years). It’s fun, and it’s quite easy. I am actually quite motivated to work on projects, and exam are a piece of cake (as compared to STPM, maybe the scope is smaller or other students are less competitive).

Though programming is fun and all that (at one point, I do find programming troublesome and wanted to become a system administrator because it’s easier), but I am still a techie but not entrepreneur-ing yet. I work on R&D projects (I learned that I am not good enough for scientific research, just pure programming skill) and C++ patterns which is really fun, inspired by people like Mun Wai and Andrew Keith. I am good, perhaps not really talented, but I found my own space and my own world, and I am happy and comfortable with it.

My entrepreneur-ing started when Kwang Yee asked me to join him to develop some insurance software for Pocket PC. Somehow I really like the idea and jump ship without giving much thought into it, as I am just too excited. Soon reality kicks in as I am thrown into deep sea and expected to do sales (I thought I just need to handle programming), and I realized we didn’t ironed out a lot of partnership detail and I am in for a lot of shock due to different expectations. Perhaps both of us are immature in a certain sense, as he is street smart while I am just a techie good with programming; I can’t be him.

Anyway, this failed entrepreneurial spark the opportunity for me to do freelance programming for a while, and I landed another job developing business application (out of my R&D forte). I learned the business part of software development and project management, while still continue with part-time freelancing. A few years down the road as the company is not doing well with little challenges left for me, I came out with the idea churning property statistic out of classified advertising. It took me almost a year to develop the website to cover new property launches (not my original idea, but this will serve as the platform to attract visitor who are interested in property) while I continue freelancing to cover the bills.

Somehow my Endeavour is not very fruitful, and Mun Wai asked me to partner up with a few guys to start a software company. At first it’s quite promising (with a few problems), but we still have to part our ways due to different expectations and commitments after a year. We did have revenue of about RM 100K, an office, MSC-status and a staff, superb! I did learn a few things about software startup here, which changed my mind of wanting to do a startup. I decided I wanted something mobile and lightweight, as a conventional software house is too heavy with the physical office maintenance with staffing issues, running cost and the continuous need to seek business, and also issues between partners.

My last software startup serve as a wakeup call and made me realize what I wanted to do, that I am running out of time as well. My freelance business pickup up, and my web application on food and property is doing really well. I found that I can create a business which does not require high capital, does not require permanent on-site staff with high maintenance, does not require an office with running cost, does not need to seek for more clients and offers me great mobility with recurring income. It’s almost a perfect paradise, and I had the correct skill set and experience to make it workable, and I am comfortable with the profit level. It just requires some hard work and innovation for a few years to build the platform; and it could set me free to retire by yachting into the Caribbean seas. Perhaps not so perfect, but it’s the best plan for me so far.

For the past few years, I received a few invitations for partnership from other entrepreneurs, to work together on some new idea, or to contribute to their business, or to create a software startup (to move beyond freelancing). Somehow I no longer feel excited, due to a few reasons.

• Developing software for the sake of money is boring. Software Development need to be fun in order to last (perhaps I am too pampered with choices)
• Partnership is like marriage, and it’s not easy to find someone compatible. At this stage, I would prefer a “best friend” or “girlfriend” in business, not a “wife”. Partnership is a sticky business; it’s not something I am willing to jump straight into it. I prefer natural progression, step by step; we need to work together for a while before we talk about marriage.
• I had extra baggage with me, which are my freelance business and web applications. I am not willing to stop them or bring them into the new venture; because it’s extremely tricky when we have to split.

Perhaps I had been a lone ranger for too long, or perhaps I had mastered the way to survived as a lone ranger; or perhaps I had found my ideal business. I no longer dreams of making millions per annum in a software company with 100 strong staff, where I need to exchange money with lots of hard work and loss of freedom. Perhaps I really know what I wanted to do, for now. Can I withstand the temptation of money? Or am I too lazy to work too hard? Or I am afraid of commitment into a business partnership without courtship? Perhaps it’s a bit of everything :)

Why do I like Hiking?

As a casual hiker, I came along this question quite often. Why do we endure all the dirt and pain, and what joy could be possibly get from hiking?

Some would say it’s because of the good food, or the food could actually taste better because we are tired and hungry, and with the company of our comrades. Some say it’s the beauty of the nature, the wonderful ocean of cloud and the charming mystical forest. Perhaps it’s because of the swim in the icy cold water and drinking from the sweet river stream. It’s possible that the feeling of conquering the mountain and standing on top of the world for just one day.


After putting some thought into it, I do it partly because it helps me to escape from the city life. When I am in the mountain, I cut of all communication so that I am no longer disturbed by any phone call. I am very focus with only one objective, which is to reach my destination. I don’t have to multitask, and there is nothing else to distract me except the beauty of nature. I walk, I rest, I drink, I eat and I sleep. All is very calm and simple, and I can put all the worries and extra baggage of city life behind me, don’t have to worry about work or people asking me to do this and that. It’s just so serene and simple, like the Zen of life. It might be tough, tiring or even painful, but it’s nothing as compared to the silence torture of the city life. I finally found a peace sanctuary within these few days.

Too bad that it’s just a temporary escape, that my phone start ringing again the moment I step back into the city, with work and responsibility start flowing back again.

I was wondering is there a way to escape the unpleasant disturbance of life, which are more long lived? With my choice of life and career, I found that I am moving into a direction which I could permanently move into my peace sanctuary. Why didn’t I go back to employment since it’s comfortable and simple? Because I know there is no escape, as I would need to suffer a slow pain. I am trying to achieve Nirvana or Zen of Life in a shallow level, where I no longer need to do something deemed unnecessary. Again, I longed for FREEDOM.

A bigger dream

A few weeks back I visited Seri Pilmoor, a semi-d / bungalow property in Ara Damansara (strategic location surrounded by PJ, Shah Alam and Subang Jaya) out of curiosity.


It’s a pretty nice house, and what I like most is its open-air rooftop garden. I could imagine myself working or relaxing at the rooftop, enjoying my Jacuzzi or reading on the sofa. It’s a nice idea and nice place.


Basically the bungalow cost about RM 4 million, something which my entire family combined also could not afford. The semi-d cost RM 2 million and all the 20 plus unit had already been snapped up at the blink of an eye.

So, I have to conclude that there are really quite a lot of rich people in Malaysia which could afford million ringgit houses (including all those houses in Mont Kiara, Damansara Heights and Bangsar). Secondly, I could not afford these houses at the moment and I didn’t even plan to make so much money 10 years down the road. To own one of these babies, I should be making at least RM 200,000 per year minimum. I always planned my life in a simple way, living in a simple house (costing between RM 100K – 400K) and driving a simple car (RM 50K). If I aim for something bigger and higher, I would need to make bigger sacrifices today (which I could live without such luxury, and still feeling comfortable financially and freedom wise).

The problem is sometimes I have dreams which are quite expensive, such as a garden rooftop bungalow. Secondly, knowing so many people in Malaysia are making so much more than me. Thirdly, knowing something I couldn’t possibly afford now and possible in the future doesn’t really feel good.

In order to get what I wanted (which is to earn possibly 300K per year), I need to be the CEO of a sizable company, setup my own company with its stream of clients and workers or hit jackpot.

If I continue with freelance (or 1 person business), this is something I would likely not be able to achieve. At the same time, I am not quite willing to expand into something bigger, though I have a feeling I might have to do it eventually.

Perhaps there is not such thing as being small and satisfied when the bigger opportunity arises.