Friendship v2

Just when I felt like writing about friendship, I had déjà vu moment thinking perhaps I had done this before, and indeed I had.

Perhaps the “friendship problem” plagues everyone. We used to spend so much time together, and now we hardly have time for each other; worse still that we have nothing to share with each other as we no longer “live together”. We can hardly live without them, yet we hardly put them in the first place.

I used to think we would find our best and longest lasting friend in our secondary school, but my perception kinda changed slightly: I no longer feel the close knit, as I don’t quite know what to chat about and I don’t anything much beyond their official job description. Perhaps I lose out in maintaining our relationship through CNY reunion, as I already move out from our hometown; and the only contact I have with them is probably through wedding dinner (and I didn’t attend all of them). Slowly but surely, everything eventually felt more comfortable in memory, but not in reality. The distance is very real, and I felt it a lot. The same goes for ex-colleagues, what once seems so close had gotten so far. The only comfort is that it’s never forgotten, hopefully for eternity.

I am not quite sure what I hope for, and what I can do about it. It’s just a feeling of sadness, sad because it is no longer there. On one side I felt that it’s a natural progression, as we move on to a new chapter of our life and we meet new people. On the other side, I felt something wrong with the natural progression, yet I am not quite sure what can I do to make it better. I don’t look for them, and they don’t look for me, and everyone is occupied with their new life, and we don’t share the same things we used to anymore, except for our memory.


For out of some odd reason, we visited Christine in Hong Kong, a friend I knew through my KK trip many years back. In the beginning we have a lot to talk to each other, but then the conversation kinda faded; then she came to our wedding and became our MC, together with Terrence and Joanne. Then the friendship is “re-ignited”, or at least we found some interesting common topic again. I do feel the relationship is kinda special and fated in many ways with is logically, not quite possible. Perhaps her characteristic had a big role to play in it, where during my last visit I learned that she did indeed manage to maintain very close relationship with many of her old friends until today (we are talking about 20+ years of friendship and still going out together once in a while). I do envy their relationship and closeness, and wonder how they manage to keep close. Perhaps they meet up every weekend for Sunday sermon, but many church goers I know didn’t manage to achieve that as well. Perhaps it’s the close knitted society of Hong Kong, or perhaps she is really a people person with a lot of free time in her hands. But I do believe the magic lies with her.


Perhaps I am just too cool of a guy who didn’t invest much to maintain a relationship which is no longer convenient; or waiting for others to make the first step to “re-ignite” the relationship. I do take the friendship by heart, just that not sure how to make it “work” as I wish it would be. I know we are all busy with more personal and work engagement, but I wish I have some of Christine’s magic. As a consolation prize, at least I still manage to attend some wedding dinners, a CNY dinner session, hiking with them, and the really very occasional Yum Cha session.

Friendship

Besides youself, work, family and your true love, friends probably comes next. The thing is they come and go, and we are probably the one who let this happen. I mean we didn’t stop them from leaving, and slowly we forgot about them. We remember they are good friends, yet it seems so far apart.

It is easy to maintain a friendship when we are always around each other, such as studying in the same school, working in the same place and joining the same activities. The friendship might build up for a few years and gave us many happy moments, until we moved on: either graduated, migrated, change job, retire or etc. Since we have less time together, the friendship sort of faded of. It’s still there, just that it is no longer that close; we are occupied with other things such as new job, new friends, new hobby and etc. We could try to salvage that, by messaging or come out sometimes for some activities, but that rarely happens.

When we want something bad enough, there is nothing which could stop us. Yet, we as human might become lazy and complacent, or had put our priority elsewhere, until one day we realize what we are missing. I probably had missed all my friend’s birthday, if someone or something haven’t reminded me; I had only remembered a few person’s birthday since young, and that is pathetic and a bad excuse for myself.

Though I can change everything overnight, but everything starts with a one small baby step. I think birthday is good thing to remember, and getting in touch with old friends once a year is pretty reasonable and feels good (we need an excuse to meet up anyway). To overcome my brain’s “defect” to remember birthday, I shall rely on Google Calendar to give me both email and SMS reminder. All I need to do is to scout around for their birthday, and I will never forget them again, muahahaha! It’s a bit of cheating, but technology should be used to improve our social life. Either a text, or a lunch/dinner, or a present, is better than forgetting all about it.

I know there is no easy way to maintain a friendship forever, but I guess we just have to try and remind us about it. Sometimes I think about my own life so much, perhaps its part of my life as well to think about others.

Perhaps it is the thought that matter :)

Gu Wen & Wynn Wedding

5th November 2007, Gu Wen and Wynn finally tight the knot on a journey toward eternal happiness. But life is not all green and flowery, so sit tight and endure the rough ride together. Though I am not really an expert in this field, but I believe as long as we always have the best interest of others in our mind, then we should not screw up too much (as long as your assumption of what’s best for others is correct).


Sorry for not being a really impressive MC on your wedding night, as I was not really good with public speaking nor did I prepared enough to create something more fun and entertaining. Maybe I shall get better with a few more try and more experience, so you guys are the guinea pig lor.

As for your video, I shall dedicate today to complete it as a wedding present, and I shall need to work until midnight to make up for my lost of productivity as well. So, do think about “rewarding” when if you found the video to be good :)

Photo Links: Mei Ru's Multiply 1, 2

All about her, again

It is about her, a girl which I met a few years ago, gone through a lot of heart warming moment together and miraculously one day, she become my girlfriend, and eventually land up as the love of my life.

She may not be the most pretty or the smartest on planet earth, but she is special, very special. When I am near her, I felt very calm, and I just enjoy the every moment I spent with her. If possible, there is nothing more I wish to do, besides spending more time with her from times to time. Somehow or rather, she had become more and more significant part of my life, a part which I cannot live without. All these happen in a slow and silent manner, without me realizing it in the beginning.

Usually she would come to seek my advice regarding things about work, about her emotion and thoughts. Although I am the mentor, but deep inside me, I feel that I am the person who needs her more. She is my silent teacher, and she is the support for my spirit. She could help me in so many ways, for just being around me. She is much stronger and had more talent than she think. Somehow, I might be more dependent on her, in many small ways.

There are many pretty girls in this world, which could easily catch my attention. But the thought which came to my mind is: no matter how pretty or attractive they are, they are not really important to me. They are not special to me, I don’t really need them, and I certainly don’t depend on them, and most of all, I don’t think of spending the rest of my life with them. They are just pretty faces which are pleasant to the eye, but I love someone who is comforting to my soul. Someone I care very much about, someone whom I try to give my best for her, and someone which I am very afraid to loose.

Someone used to ask me the question did I really love someone. I found “love” is very hard to define, especially about its closeness to “like” and having good feelings. Somehow, I think I am very much in love with her for sure, for the very first time in my life. It is the first time that I am spiritually so dependent on someone, that I am so afraid of loosing her, and I want to do my best for her and I want to be with her for a long long time. If it more that just heart pounding or hormone rushing, I had her engraved in my heart. I am still not sure what love is really all about, but she is definitely someone very special and important to me.

I love her very much :)

PS: Only if I can give her more, but I am trying to straighten my life and not to screw it up, so that I can offer a more comfortable future for both of us.

Of Purpose

I recently ask a business associate, what is his purpose of quitting a well paying job and be an entrepreneur? His answer is to make more money.

A long time ago, someone ask me what is the purpose of having a relationship with the opposite sex if not for the purpose of marriage?

I can’t say that they are wrong, but I don’t exactly felt very right about it as well. Though all businessmen want to make money, but I don’t think it should be the main thing that drives us. Making lots of money and become rich could be the end product, but it takes more than money to drive us there. Might it be the passion, or excitement, or to prove something, or to make a change, or the believe we can actually do it, or just something worth doing. Can be survive purely on the desire to make money, or on the passion to make something work? Don’t really have the answer for that yet. I guess it takes a little bit of everything, and perhaps one thing more than the other. Don’t quite have the recipe yet :)

Does starting a relationship means that it must end with a marriage, or have marriage in our mind in this first place? If everything goes well, it probably would naturally reach such a state. I always thought relationship is all about exploration, to know each other, to learn new things, to compromise and to have may hugs and kisses, haha. I guess relationship could be giving without guarantee of return, thus marriage is not part of the contract in the first place. What if marriage is expected to be given at the end of the road, even before the journey begin? Would this seems more like a business transaction? I guess marriage is kinda like a “taboo” word in the very beginning of a relationship, as the time is not right yet, and we are not prepared. If it came out too early, it could be a shock or stress. If it came out on the right time, it would be perfect, If it never show up for a very long time, it could be a problem as well. Of course, they are always people take the unconventional route of not getting married or not having babies. Is the purpose of a relationship is marriage? It could be the end product, but not necessary so in the beginning. It started with admiration and a bunch of good feelings.

Getting Along 102: Miscommunication and Misunderstanding

Initially I thought our problem is Disagreement on certain issues, but now it seems more like a Miscommunication, and Misunderstanding what she meant.

Language is a very complex thing; with one sentence itself could have a variety of meanings, if delivered through different tone, expression or channel. It gets even worst if the Communicator isn’t talking in a direct and straightforward manner, or if the Communicator isn’t very well verse in expressing his or her thoughts, or when the listened don't have the skill to pick up the hidden clues.

Take the following for example

“I want our relationship to be open and truthful, so that we can tell each other everything”

“I want to tell you everything, as I don’t want to suppress my feelings and let the negative energy built up”

“But a lot of times, I dunno how to express thoughts and feeling”

“I am not an expressive person, not used to letting people know my inner feelings”

“If I know my words word hurt you, then I wouldn’t tell”

“Maybe my expectation of truthfulness isn’t the same with yours”

Isn’t the above quite contradicting if it is said by the same person? It kinda confuses me and lead me to think, “Hmm, to be totally truthful or not? To tell or not to tell?” I haven’t quite figured this out. It seems like she would like an open and truthful relationship, as it is a good thing to have. At the same time, she is not quite ready for that, as it is not quite her character to open up and share her inner feelings. So, does she want a compromise in between? What should be told and what should be kept? If it is up to our judgment, then we might have different judgment as well. It is as if the whole conversation about Open and Truthful relationship is voided, as now we individually decide what should be open and close without mutual standard or agreement. Perhaps just the timing isn’t right, and we need more practice on this communication and self expression thingy. Perhaps the whole idea is too idealistic, as we are mere humans who are meant to be flawed.

At times, it might be difficult to get hold what she what exactly she is trying to tell me. Perhaps I should try to read between the lines or listened more tentatively or like I read from someone, use the heart instead of the ears.

Let’s have a careful look at the following

“I feel that sometimes you feel frustrated with me”

“You and I are at different level, thus you make me feel inferior”

“Having you digging on my weakness, it just don’t give me the support to learn, and it hurts more as it comes from you”

“I don’t want you to praise with if I didn’t did a good job, I’ll feel that it is a sympathy”

“I know you are trying to help me”

“I don’t mean we can’t discuss about my weakness”

“Perhaps you didn’t take care of my feelings when you talk”

Looking back, it seems like what I had been doing and saying is hurting her. For me being frustrated with her at times make her very unhappy. While we were talking about her known weaknesses, she feel offended as it’s come out from my mouth. And she claimed I didn’t support her, yet trying to help her; and I can’t speak too frankly too her as it hurts her feelings.

When I turn on my angry self, I would think, WTF! I am just a human being; I can’t feel frustrated when I need to feel frustrated izzit? And it is supposed to be my fault that you feel insecure and inferior? Now, am I not supporting you or I am helping you? Now, it is okay to talk frankly or not? Now, did I dwell into your weakness in a hurting manner or scold you? For god sake, your weaknesses are well known, everyone is talking about it, and I am just trying to help by confronting the brutal fact. What the hell you want from me? That’s the tension and frustration I had which had to be released, though it is not a very good thing, but it is the truth of what I felt for a moment (the truth isn't always pretty).

Once read a book, “Good to Great” about good corporate culture and leadership. One of thing mentioned is “Confront the Brutal Fact”. For the company to change for the better, we must find and acknowledge openly what is our weakness. Only when we are comfortable talking about our weakness, then only could we approach it in an openly matter, rather a taboo which everyone pretentious denied its existence and look elsewhere. I am not trying to dwell on her weakness in a destructive way, like saying she is stupid or useless or anything like that. I thought we can talk openly about the issue, thus find a way to work together to help us be better.

Anyway, all the effort seems like a dead end huh? Perhaps there is no need to despair, as I had some idea on what is going on after a few heat up conversation and complaints. First of all, I think I mustn’t focus too much on the logicality of her sentences, as they always contradict each other and doesn’t quite make sense to me (in fact, they confuse me most of the time). I think it is pretty simple (I think la).

I think the main issue is I get frustrated when she did or said something uncommon, and I was like huh? Then, I’ll naturally turned frustrated and give her that expression which she dislikes. Then I would probably raise my voice and say something stupid. When I noticed what my frustrated self is saying or doing, then I try to cover back by softening my voice and offering some sort of advice or explanation on what just happened. But it is all too late, damage had already been done, she is already unhappy, and anything more words from me will be treated as direct hostility. Though I didn’t actually scold her or use any harsh words, but she is offended by my frustration, or should I say, she was unhappy because I was unhappy about her.

The first time that came to my mind: I consider myself good in the sense that I didn’t scold her or use any harsh words. But showing a moment of frustration? That probably means I can’t feel frustrated anymore, doesn’t it? That put a lot on pressure and limitation on me. It kinda sounds like it is not enough to do the average good, where I must do the very best. I am still trying to figure this think out. Perhaps when I managed to control my frustration in time and she didn’t get upset, I’ll have a smirk on face thinking perhaps everything is worth the moment of joy.

I am thinking, perhaps she had been trying to tell me all these while that it is “My Frustration” which makes her unhappy. Not what I said, but how I had said it. So by analyzing the context of our conversation, everything wouldn’t make sense, and I would never find the answer. I assume I find the answer, but this might not be it. Hmm, very demoralizing …

Okay, let’s not focus on our problems, but how to make our life better. How?

• Never discuss relationship problem over the phone, email or using any instant messenger. This kind of communication channel isn’t effective for emotional discussion, as the expression and tone of voice couldn’t be delivered properly. When you need to talk, use the good old ways of face to face.
• Communication is a 2 way thing: talk and listen. The talker needs to learn to express herself by giving as much information as possible for the listener to understand her. How about the listener? He needs to listen with his ears, brain and heart, and anything else he can use. Anyway, there is no excuse of being lousy at it, practice makes perfect. Try very hard to talk, and try very hard to listen.
• When there is frustration, it needs to be let out. When there is an emotional suppression, it needs to be released. For the good or bad of things, just let it out. Keeping stuff in our heart will just poison our soul. Though sometime I knew think saying something might make her sad, I said it anyway because it is truthful, within good courtesy boundary and I need to say it out (sometimes I wonder am I stupid or what?). Why? Because I worry when I behold something within myself just to avoid a minor confrontation, I would stop talking, Couple who don’t talk won’t argue. That’s not where I plan to head, and perhaps that is also the root causes of why am I in conversation deep shit from time to time.

Any good advice? Just continue what we are doing, and try to get along better :)

Getting Along 101

When the relationship just began, everything is just good and beautiful. As we share more, we unveil our strength and weakness, the pretty and ugly side, and compatible and incompatible. As we understand each other deeper, we learn that there are more to be understood. No matter what we found out or understand, we still wanna love each other and get along fine. But sometimes, it is easier said than done, especially when we are the party involved.

So, perhaps it is the right time for me to blog on a relationship survival series, Getting Along 101. It is based on my experience and the challenges I faced now and then, with great bias towards my perception and knowledge. I think the first article is unintentionally launched as To Fix it, or not to Fix.

My effort is kinda inspired by Positive Thinking, where the author had a series on Happiness at Work. He make himself the Chief Happiness Officer and launched a series on Monday Tips on how to make yourself happy at work. I wonder should I give myself the title of Dr. Love? Haha, perhaps not, Mr. Try-to-Fix-it is more like it.

At least this could serve as a guide for me to understand our problem, sharing my view with her and perhaps, find out a way for us to get along in between.

The next topic is: Disagreement is Inevitable

To Fix it, or not to Fix

When the relationship is still new, we share only happiness. As the relationship gets deeper, we start to share problems as well. Recently Mei Ru and I seem to start sharing each other's problems quite frequently. But somehow, the conversation usually didn’t end up in very good terms. But, I noticed the following trend …

When I told her about my problem, she usually doesn’t talk much. She just listened, and concluded with a word of encouragement. In my mind, I would think perhaps there is nothing much she could do for me as well, since it is after all my problems and only I can solve it.

When she told me about her problem, I usually responded a lot. I think besides listening, I am trying to be helpful in order to solve her problem. Of course, while I am trying to solve her problem, I need to pinpoint the causes of the problem, which most of the time the enemy is within us. So, I might offend her in the process.

The situation is kinda interesting, it kinda reflect something which I read in the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. It is told that women told their problem just to seek an audience, with the purpose of just sharing their problem with someone without the intension of seeking a solution. For men, they share a problem to seek a solution, an opinion, guidance. When a woman told his man her problem, he would try to put up his “Mr. Fix-It” hat and try to analyse the problem to come up with a solution.

So, what does it mean to me? When a woman shares her problem with me, I just listen and give a word of encouragement at the end. When a man shares his problem with me, then only I am allowed to put on the “Mr. Fix-It” hat. I do hope my conclusion is right, and wonder should I practice such a way from now onwards. Part of the mystery of the universe.

In The Moment

It had been 2 months, she says,

In the moment whisper becomes a stirring ... I think of our secrets.
You are my confidante.

In the moment when laughter becomes abandon ... I think of our compatibility.
You are my friend.

In the moment when attraction becomes surrender ... I think of our passion.
You are my lover.

In the moment when glimmer becomes radiance ... I think of our future.
You are my tomorrow.

In the moment when ascent becomes triumph, I realize love transform the ordinary - and ours is an extraordinary love.
You are my forever.

and I replied,

PS: Though I am a lousy poet with bad English, but I can always try :)

sour to the heart, bitter to the soul

Today there is a certain sadness that gulps up the throat, yet I have to swallow it down.

I never though that it would be that fast before the first drop of tears fell, as I have not gotten tired with all the happiness, laughter and romance. Sadness and arguments are anticipated, but the nevertheless, it still taste sour to the heart and bitter to the soul. Perhaps 24 April 2006 is not a good day, and it is definitely a bad day for us. Not a day I would like to remember, but perhaps it is meant for a greater journey ahead.

Today I work extremely hard for a deadline, I was tired and busy, but I was very enthusiastic and the adrenaline is pumping. Though it is hard work, but I was happy and excited doing it. By the time I crossed the finished line and completed my work, I felt no happiness, as there is no one waiting for me at the finish line. I felt despair and lonely, waiting and praying for a certain familiar voice to appear.

No matter what it may be, I would try my best to ensure our happiness, as the tune of beating is synchronized.

No matter what it may be, I hope the tune of beating is synchronized once again, as I had already fallen deep for it.

No matter what it may be, my intention is to care for you, and not to hurt you in any way.

No matter what it may be, I love you ...

Friend, please don’t ask. My emotions need to flow with words.

All About Her

I meet her on 1 July 2004 (she is cute and pretty), as we get to sit side by side with plenty of opportunity to talk. I was kinda disappointed when I was moved away from her. We continue with “silent” messenger chatting. We had become chat buddy ever since.

We only work together once on a Brunei project and I kinda raise my voice on her, luckily I realized it half way and manage to soften up in time. I am inexperience at my first time guiding a junior, and impatient. She is pretty good with many unrealized potential, perhaps need more guidance and sharpening.

She likes to organize activities, and I like to join her, always trying to be among the first to register and give her support. We went to Taman Negara (26-28 Feb 2005) and Kota Kinabalu (25 July - 01 August 2005), and it is always fun and enjoyable. Perhaps these are the very few opportunity we get to talk a lot and play together.

She found my blog (together with Christine), thus she gets to know me better of my deeper thoughts and emotion. I don’t write much about her, as she prefers some privacy and it is a bit “inconvenience”. Nevertheless, she is the No.1 reader of Blue Dragon. Because of the discovery of the blog, I get to have the first dinner treat from her at Genki Sushi.

She celebrated my birthday with me, and gave me some nice presents. It is a very happy and simple date, and we have a good time. Somehow we would end up in Karaoke together, she likes to sings, and I enjoyed her company. I blog about her for the 1st time. I decided to give her a belated Christmas gift.

We had Christmas Bash, Morning Jog, Rock Climbing, Farewell, Bad Friend Society Membership, Shopping, Wynn's KL Party, Botanical Garden, Mickey Mouse, Melaka, Weird Conversation, Dance and many more (she shows up in 52 of my posts).

On 15th February is a sad day for her, she cry I front of me for the 1st time because she broke someone’s heart. Probably with tears came courage, which could change her life forever in so many ways.

A day which I never quite thought is possible, for us to be together. We get to have some pretty nice dates, and lots of happy times together. On the Sunday of 02 April 2006 is a magnificent day, a moment in life which could never had been planned.

9 April 2006 is day the day of a lovely new begining, after much hardship, understanding, tolerance and agreement. On a white sandy beach, with the smoothing sound of gentle waves, under the great dark sky with many shining stars, lying side by side, “Will you be my girlfriend?” And it is happily ever after …

让我牵着你的手，一起走向幸福人生的第一步。

PS: TQ for the blessings from Mich and Christine :)

Moment in Life

If I would ask what the happiest moment in my life is, it just seems so difficult to answer.

Could it be just a very specific moment, or could it be happening all these while at a slower and stealthy pace.

No matter what it may seems, today seems to be one of those day to remember.

No matter how much we plan, or how much we think we could plan, event just have a course for themselves.

簡單的幸福, 就是能跟自己喜歡的人在一起！

Gift of Heart Part IV: Mini Clay Figurine

Wynn is leaving soon (this is a back dated post), and Mei Ru reminds me of the idea of making something for her. I think I should, given that I really feel close and comfortable with her. Since I had already fallen in love with clay work, then I shall make one for her. At the same time, Mei Ru stalks a Totoro from me as well. Why not.

What to make for Wynn? I know she likes Tare Panda as well, but I don’t want to make the same thing twice. I know she had some Mashimaro dolls in her room as well, thus this might be a good choice. Then there is this thing going on between her and Mei Ru, where she would always draw a tortoise on my hand. Perhaps a tortoise for her? I asked her directly, and she asks for a tortoise happily. The day before I make her gift, she draws a tortoise with a big head and tick tack toe on its back on my hand again. This seems like a good idea.

This time I would make something smaller. Not only it is cheaper (less raw material used), but it shall look even cuter. I shall make a cute tortoise first, with brown colour body and green colour shell. I make one big shell with dark green; can cover it with 9 lighter green spot for the tick tack toe effect. I use a blade to carve the cross and the circle. Then came the big head with 2 black eye, and four feet with carved toes. It looks pretty cute, but the colour might seems a bit too dull.


I decide to make a white Totoro (still haven’t figure out whether its name is Bom Bom Ba or Ji Ji Ja), since it is cute and simple. One big round white body plus head, and two bunny ears. The eyes are made of squash black, white and followed by black again. A simple and very cute little white Totoro is born, yeah!


Time to bake them using the same style again (put them in a steel pot and heat it up, as mom put it, avoid wasting gas in baking such a small toy). This time mom made a wrong estimation of the baking time, as the figurine is smaller this time. Actually I thought of that as well, but I forgot to remind her. So, the base of the figurine got burnt a bit. The tortoise had a totally black shining base with a half shaded body, while the white Totoro had a brown base instead. It isn’t that bad, as now they look kinda unique, one of a kind limited edition.




PS: The piece of shit is actually meant for Mei Ru, as she draws them on my hand the day before.

Gift of Heart Part III: Art of Drawing

Many years ago I gave a piece of artwork to the first girl I like. It consists of a few pieces of drawings, where each illustrates a part of us being together (from 1st meet to date to courtship). Each peace of drawing has some Chinese text illustration on it, accompanied by a translucent piece of paper with some motives on them. When the translucent paper is combined with the drawing, it creates a different feel of the art work. All the pieces are combined into a hand made book. This is probably the most heart-ful gift I ever made in my life, which I was for one second reluctant to give it away. But what is the purpose of a gift if it is not given away, as its value lies within the hand of the receiver.

The gift chosen for Totoro Girl is of course, a Totoro; and I know the exact place to get one. I found some new Totoro stocks in an Anime Toy shop at 1U, and the first thing which caught my eye is a Totoro photo frame. What so special about a photo frame? Just buying a Totoro doll seems a bit plain, but a photo frame would allow some creativity space. I can draw something meaningful and slip it into the photo frame. The frame is pretty cute actually, with a grey Totoro and a big leaf as its hat, and many small flowers, leafs and mushrooms all around it.


It had been a very long while since I last drawn something, and I hope I still have the basic skill set. I need to buy a whole new set of stationeries, as I had loose my last set (I have no idea where they are now). I pick up my supplies at Popular bookstore, as they have quite a good variety. I choose back my old faithful tools, such as Faber Castell Water Colour Pencil, Buncho Oil Paster, Crayon, Silver Ink Pen, Black Ink Pen, 2B Pencils & Erasers, Blade and Colour Papers.


What should I draw then? Of course, a Totoro. I choose a picture where Totoro sleep under a tree in the jungle, with Bom Bom Ba and Ji Ji Ja by his side. Then we have a little girl sleeping by Totoro’s side. I like this picture, as the environment is calm and they are sleeping calmly and safely. I did some modification to it, and hopefully it turn out fine. Actually my art work pretty sucks and I think she can draw much better than me. But I think she will appreciate it, as long as it doesn’t look too ugly.



After the art work is finished, slip the paper into the photo frame and it fit perfectly. The Totoro is put into the “doggy” bag I bough earlier. All done! Yeah!




Somehow she fancies Totoro a lot, may it due to its cuteness, probably some mysterious elements and some touching moment. I think Totoro is a good mythical creature, which shows kindness and gave us some hope of miracle and fantasy. Probably we could use Totoro as education medium for the younger children, to create a kind future full of hope.

"龙猫会给乖的小孩每天一个美丽的梦"

How to love my Mom and Dad?

I wanted to be a good son, who would appreciate and love my parent. At times, I found that it is quite difficult to be one. Maybe it is due to my impatient, or perhaps I take them for granted, perhaps it is a complicated cycle of parent and child relationship.

My dad come back from Kota Baru to celebrate Chinese New Year with us, which I am glad to see him again. I though of we could spent some quality together, treat him nice and make him happy. But somehow I didn't manage to achieve my objective.

My dad is quite a panicky person, and he kinda disapprove many of my habits. For example, he will mumble a lot whenever I sleep late, and keep calling me whenever I try to sleep for a while longer before waking up in the morning. Some old habits just don't change, including his and mine. My dad isn't quite familiar with KL roads, and still can withstand the heavy traffic and difficulty in finding parking. Sometimes he doesn't quite listen to my direction, and he seems really panic. I think I raised my voice many times, and I really feel bad about it. I think I should learn to be more patient in handling small frustrations.

I think in the deepest level, I do love my mom and dad. The problem is, I don't usually manage to show my love and appreciation for them. Sometime I am lazy, and sometimes I am impatient over small frustrations. When I was young, I used to love my dad very much and hated my mom. Dad is always the good guy who pamper me, while mommy is the bad guy who try to educate me. Somehow, I come to love them equally when I went for college, as suddenly I realise their true intention as parents. I understand they really tried their very best to be a good parents, and I would say they did quite a good job. No parent can be prefect, as there are so many areas to cover.

I hope I can appreciate and love them better, before I loose them.

Gift of Heart Part II: Clay Work

When shopping for Christmas gift at 1U, I found a very special shop. A shop which sell polymer clay, which you can shape it into anything you like and bake it to create a clay figurine. I wanted to ask them to make one for me instead, but they claim it would require one week of waiting time. Since I am going to Chiang Mai soon, might as well I buy the material and make it myself. Besides, it looks like really fun. I think I like Plastisin very much when I was small, besides LEGO of course.

I got about 6 pieces of clays of different colours in a pack for around RM 25, then a bigger piece of black and white colour clay for RM 10 each. They even sell clay which turn into rubber after bake (suitable as gift for kids). Wynn told me later that there are much cheaper white clay available, which can be made into coloured clay using some colouring.


I missed the Christmas deadline and drag the completion of this gift until several weeks ago. I decide to use this to make a panda figurine for Miss Evil, since she likes panda very much. Tare Panda seems to be the cutest panda around, so I might as will make that. I Google around for images of Tare Panda as my references.

Making this gift is really fun, maybe because I do like clay work. First I make a pillow with some pattern on it. Then came the head, which is extremely difficult due to the eyes (hard to make them look cute). Then came the round body, followed by ears, hands and legs. I add a cape and hat for Tare to make him look even cuter. This is my design, with references from existing Tare Panda product out there of course.




There are many small pieces of leftover clay, and I still feel like making more stuff. I used them to make a mini tree, a mushroom, a cake and a candy bar. These small little things are really cute; I think I had fallen in love with clay work.


I ask my mom to bake it in the oven, and she complains it is wastage of gas since the figurine is so small compared to the big oven. She put them into a steel pot and heats it up instead. For a figurine of 2-3 inches thick, 20-30 minutes should be just nice.

These clay figurines fit perfectly into the gift box I bought earlier. I put some soft paper in to fill up the spaces, make it look nicer and for a bit of cover up effect. Put the box into a small carry bag and it is ready to go.






PS: Since Valentine day is around the corner, does anyone wanna order some handmade valentine gift from me?

Gift of Heart Part I: My First Serious Paper Craft

It all started with me in the mood of giving the people I like and appreciate a small Christmas present, and end up delaying the deliveries and come up with something more personal than I initially thought.

I hand made a paper craft for Tang, with many help and guidance from my dear friend Wynn (she left for Batu yesterday, and I really miss her). I don’t think I did a really good job, but it is my first attempt at such a challenging paper craft anyway. I saw Wynn made some flowers and ball-shaped paper craft for Mei Ru, thus I decide that this might be a good choice of gift for Tang. It is hand made and it should look nice, and I always like hand made gift better (it shows the person’s patient and appreciation for us). Besides, it would be nice for me to learn to make some paper craft, and Wynn is there to teach me.

I got some origami paper from Popular bookstore (I stumbled upon them while getting some stationeries). I had bought a gift box earlier, thus I thought it would be nice to make a ball-shaped paper craft and put it inside the gift box. But it turns out the origami papers I bought are too big, end up making a ball-shaped paper craft which couldn’t fit into it. There are many varieties of ball-shaped paper craft to choose from, as Wynn had the book. She made a 64 pieces combo one for Mei Ru, but I decide to not to take up too much challenges for the first time.

Equipment used to accomplish "Shooting Star"

I choose to make “Shooting Star”, a 24 pieces combo which looks nice as well. I do it with 2 colours of shining paper, blue and red. Four pieces will combined as one side, making a total of 6 sides. 4 sides will form the centre ring, while 1 each of both the top and bottom. The result isn’t perfect, but it is on best effort basis. I spent about 5 hours to make it (it should take around 2 hours for newbie), due to many un-concentrated hours watching the TV series playing continuously on Wynn’s computer.

Ladies and Gentleman, my first serious ball-shaped paper craft, the “Shooting Star”. Luckily it turned out pretty alright, else I would have to think of something else. I decide to use some present paper to do some creative wrapping. It turns out looking like a hanging cake box. The present is ready and good to go.

The Final Product: "Shooting Star"

All Set to Go

The Gift Box

I pass it to her last Thursday on my farewell dinner treat to her. I didn’t get to see her open the present, thus I am not quite sure if she likes it or not. Anyway, I am happy about it with one mission accomplished.

I am the Sacrificial Lamb

Today is the second time Miss Evil stood up a date on me in the last minute, 2 times is a really bad omen. First time it just supposed to be a quick dinner movie at rush weekend, where I have to go there early to pick up the tickets as it is quite a crowded weekend (booking is simply not possible). She stood me up only when I called her at the last minute. Maybe it is unintentional or for whatever good reason, it is still a disappointment and leaves a very bad impression. I found that I no longer have the capacity to hold grouch and be angry with someone for a long time. Most probably the bad feelings will be long gone before the end of the day, I am not very sure whether this would be a good thing.

Today is a public holiday, where I have the perfect plan for a good date. We shall go out early to have breakfast at Kim Gary (I hope they open early), and do some early ice skating on the cooling ice with less crowds around. Then I made lunch reservation at Dave’s (not Dave Deli), a nice Italian restaurant with modern deco. I finally finished her long owed Christmas present, a present made with Hearts (I don’t mean love shape here). I booked a comedy Hong Kong movie at 3 plus, using some very effective movie booking tips taught by Chim. I left the rest of the night unplanned, as she might not have the entire day with me. Perhaps some Tiramisu for dinner, as lunch usually would be quite heavy and a light and delicious dinner would be just nice for the girl. Sounds like a good date to me, as I had not made so much preparation for a date before.

Anyway, all the plans are screwed up totally. Why? Because I am chosen as the sacrificial lamb for her family. I might understand her reasons behind it, though I might not agree with her ways of handling this situation. She could reject a date, but stood up at the very last minute with ample time for consideration before that? There seems to be some element of immaturity and fickle minded here. Anyway, a promise is broken, and the reason is I am being sacrificed. Both don’t sound pleasing to me, as her answer to me leads to disappointment. Not because the date got cancelled, but because the reason behind it and the way that the decision is made. I felt that I can’t let go of the frustration if I don’t write this out. It is that deep and tormenting. Even for a friend stage at the current moment, it is still too much of a blow. Promises are significant, and it shall not be broken for whatever good reason you have behind it (at least, not at the very last moment).

I forgive her in the sense that we are friends, and we have some happy times together and spoiling it out of frustration would be just meaningless. But disappointment will still be there and won’t go away easily, as scar had already been created in the relationship. As in the ball game, three strikes and you are out. If the third disappointment did happened, I think I might problem even treating her as a close friend. I think I shall stop dating her in the near future. I always thought that we have the freedom, and she had the maturity and strength, and I was wrong for both assumptions. No point blaming others, as we have to be responsible for our own action and its consequences. For what ever that happens, it is out own doing after all.

PS: Since I am damn free today, I shall start working on the Present of Hearts Project (again, no love shapes is involved here) for those close and significant to me

KONG The Lover Boy

I went for KING KONG last night, and it was pretty amazing, breathtaking, fast-paced at moment, funny at times, thoughout long (3 Hours) and sad at the end (we all know KONG died for love, as Beauty killed the Beast).

Old Time King Kong Poster

The 1st hour is pretty boring, talking about the manipulative director Carl Denham who struggles to keep his movie production alive and bet his last hope on shooting at Skull Island. Things begin to pick up at the island, with natives trying to kill all the crews and the captain save them with modern weaponry. While they are trying to make their way back, the native board the boat to kidnap KONG’s future girlfriend, Ann Darrow to be sacrificed to KONG (toy and dinner became girlfriend? Hmm). Then the adventure and hunt begin in the savage land of Skull Island, muahahaha.

KONG the MAN!

First of all, the savage jungle is breathtaking, with big woods, beautiful valley, amazing waterfall and a sweet spot for KONG to enjoy sunset with his girlfriend. Then we have the scene where a bunch of grass eating dinosaur having stampede through a narrow valley while being chased by small little carnivore. The stampede was superb and funny, with giant legs and giant meatball rolling. Then we have KONG vs. T-REX, four of them in fact. KONG is really much stronger and agile, and I have fun seeing KONG beat the shit out of those giant carnivores. It is like a Chinese movie gangster fight, where the hero is surrounded by a bunch of bad guys while trying to protect his girlfriend in one hand and fight with another. KONG sometimes acts like human rather than Gorilla (he was actually a silver-back gorilla), which make him playful and funny. He plays with his girlfriend like a toy, he poke fun of the T-REX after he kills them, he having tantrum with his girlfriend (for leaving him earlier) after he saved her and at the end, he had a very playful ice skating moment with her in New York. The savage jungle has lots of giant cockroaches, scary crabs and disgusting leech that would suck you in entirely.

KONG in Romantic Mood

KONG had really fallen in love with his girlfriend, put himself in danger countless times to save and protect her. He shows his manhood by his signature chest knocking action after every victory (I am the man! Dum Dum Dum Dum). His is funny as well, manage to give her some happy moments. He can be romantic as well, learning her language and always bring her to see sunset. KONG is a MAN and a Lover Boy as well.

I notable phrase from the movie is, “Man always focus on big and brave things, where they don’t use their brain in Love”. Jack Driscoll is a talented script writer who likes Ann Darrow. He wrote a comedy play just for her on the boat as the sign of affection. Ann asked, “Why do you want to write a play just for me?” Jack, “Isn’t that obvious?” And they end up kissing. Jack risks his life countless times to save Ann, definitely a man of action rather than a talker. Somehow they are not together after they went back to New York. From what it shows, it seems like he manage to show all his affection and care in action, but just didn’t put it in words. During a play he is watching, the following words capture his attention, “He hold my hand, and that’s the only thing he did. He didn’t say anything; probably he thinks he doesn’t have it. I really thought it might work out for us” Then he rushed out to seek the girl, probably to tell her “I Love You”. But at the end, he didn’t manage to do so, but still risk his life and hug her. So, words or action?

Why do we want to be in a Relationship?

While reading Eliza’s “Hopeless Romantic I am”, I too start wondering why would we like to be in a relationship. When we were young, probably we want to try some new and exciting adventure: to find a girlfriend, to get a taste of love. To try holding hands, getting someone you like close to you, to do some helplessly romantic stuff, to behave childishly, to kiss and to love. If we were not one of the luckiest bunch on planet earth, then we would have to go through some sadness, get some minor scars, go through breakup and be alone again.

Some people can’t be lonely, so they can’t help but to jump into another relationship straight away. I kinda envy them in fact. I am the kind would take sometime to cool off, enjoy the air of freedom after a long period of serious engagement, start pampering myself rather than the love of my life and start making tons of money so that I can pampered myself even more (or the next lucky one). I am the type who could like people easily, but to decide whether I would want to be in a serious relationship with them is another matter. It is not that I am afraid of commitment, but I do afraid of making a “unwise” choice, choosing someone who is incompatible with me and I end up can’t tolerate them.

So, how do I pick the next girl? Firstly, I must like them. Then, I need to communicate with them. After which, I need to date them. Usually I would let them know I like them at a earlier stage (nothing too serious, just a sign of care and affection). If all goes well, where the feeling is right and our thinking is pretty much in sync, and I manage to appreciate her qualities and accepted her weaknesses, then she would be a probable candidate. If she doesn’t resist me, I would then take this relationship more serious, giving more commitment and at the same time, inevitably having higher expectation. This is a critical stage, where things start to change. If we are not quite ready or understand each other, a lot of hidden problem and issues shall arise at this stage. If we can’t get passed this stage, we would probably end up as only friends, where it is not meant to be. If somehow it miraculously workout, and she accepted me, then it would lead to more frequent dates and finally asking her to be my girlfriend. Liking a person is one thing, but do we have the fate (timing) and faith (acceptance) to be soul mate is totally another. I can no longer do what I used to do: asking someone to be my girlfriend just by liking them, without knowing them.

Back to the first question, why do we want to be in a relationship? When we are young, we are in for the fun and excitement. When we are mid 20’s, we think it would be nice to have someone to share things with. When we are in early 30’s, could we be seeking potential life partner? (I dunno, I am not there yet) At this stage, I am just in for the very simple things in life: to talk to her, to understand her, to make her laugh, to dine with her, to enjoy a movie with her, to be childish in front of her, to try to be helplessly romantic to her, to give each other nicknames, to cuddle her, to be close to her, to kiss her and to sleep with her. Someone to share many small and intimate things with. I have no idea what big plans or agenda is in other couples’ head, but I am in for the simplicity in happiness. If I can appreciate and tolerate someone special, I would be a happy man. If she feel and do the same for me, then I am the luckiest man on Earth :)