While reading Eliza’s “Hopeless Romantic I am”, I too start wondering why would we like to be in a relationship. When we were young, probably we want to try some new and exciting adventure: to find a girlfriend, to get a taste of love. To try holding hands, getting someone you like close to you, to do some helplessly romantic stuff, to behave childishly, to kiss and to love. If we were not one of the luckiest bunch on planet earth, then we would have to go through some sadness, get some minor scars, go through breakup and be alone again.
Some people can’t be lonely, so they can’t help but to jump into another relationship straight away. I kinda envy them in fact. I am the kind would take sometime to cool off, enjoy the air of freedom after a long period of serious engagement, start pampering myself rather than the love of my life and start making tons of money so that I can pampered myself even more (or the next lucky one). I am the type who could like people easily, but to decide whether I would want to be in a serious relationship with them is another matter. It is not that I am afraid of commitment, but I do afraid of making a “unwise” choice, choosing someone who is incompatible with me and I end up can’t tolerate them.
So, how do I pick the next girl? Firstly, I must like them. Then, I need to communicate with them. After which, I need to date them. Usually I would let them know I like them at a earlier stage (nothing too serious, just a sign of care and affection). If all goes well, where the feeling is right and our thinking is pretty much in sync, and I manage to appreciate her qualities and accepted her weaknesses, then she would be a probable candidate. If she doesn’t resist me, I would then take this relationship more serious, giving more commitment and at the same time, inevitably having higher expectation. This is a critical stage, where things start to change. If we are not quite ready or understand each other, a lot of hidden problem and issues shall arise at this stage. If we can’t get passed this stage, we would probably end up as only friends, where it is not meant to be. If somehow it miraculously workout, and she accepted me, then it would lead to more frequent dates and finally asking her to be my girlfriend. Liking a person is one thing, but do we have the fate (timing) and faith (acceptance) to be soul mate is totally another. I can no longer do what I used to do: asking someone to be my girlfriend just by liking them, without knowing them.
Back to the first question, why do we want to be in a relationship? When we are young, we are in for the fun and excitement. When we are mid 20’s, we think it would be nice to have someone to share things with. When we are in early 30’s, could we be seeking potential life partner? (I dunno, I am not there yet) At this stage, I am just in for the very simple things in life: to talk to her, to understand her, to make her laugh, to dine with her, to enjoy a movie with her, to be childish in front of her, to try to be helplessly romantic to her, to give each other nicknames, to cuddle her, to be close to her, to kiss her and to sleep with her. Someone to share many small and intimate things with. I have no idea what big plans or agenda is in other couples’ head, but I am in for the simplicity in happiness. If I can appreciate and tolerate someone special, I would be a happy man. If she feel and do the same for me, then I am the luckiest man on Earth :)