Saturday, July 08, 2006

To Fix it, or not to Fix

When the relationship is still new, we share only happiness. As the relationship gets deeper, we start to share problems as well. Recently Mei Ru and I seem to start sharing each other's problems quite frequently. But somehow, the conversation usually didn’t end up in very good terms. But, I noticed the following trend …

When I told her about my problem, she usually doesn’t talk much. She just listened, and concluded with a word of encouragement. In my mind, I would think perhaps there is nothing much she could do for me as well, since it is after all my problems and only I can solve it.

When she told me about her problem, I usually responded a lot. I think besides listening, I am trying to be helpful in order to solve her problem. Of course, while I am trying to solve her problem, I need to pinpoint the causes of the problem, which most of the time the enemy is within us. So, I might offend her in the process.

The situation is kinda interesting, it kinda reflect something which I read in the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. It is told that women told their problem just to seek an audience, with the purpose of just sharing their problem with someone without the intension of seeking a solution. For men, they share a problem to seek a solution, an opinion, guidance. When a woman told his man her problem, he would try to put up his “Mr. Fix-It” hat and try to analyse the problem to come up with a solution.

So, what does it mean to me? When a woman shares her problem with me, I just listen and give a word of encouragement at the end. When a man shares his problem with me, then only I am allowed to put on the “Mr. Fix-It” hat. I do hope my conclusion is right, and wonder should I practice such a way from now onwards. Part of the mystery of the universe.

3 comments:

Kenny said...
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Kenny said...

Women have this reputation of being good listeners...however i find this to be a gross generalization. Nevertheless, I am fortunate enought to be Mei Ru's friend she is a *very good* listener...
She doesn't butt in, let's you yak on...and does not seem to be judgemental...or at least she doesn't let you know.

Advice and problem fixing is over-rated anyway...Sometimes people just want a sympathetic ear..

That is good enough.

d_luaz said...

Yes, she listen, don't quite judge or doesn't quite speak out her own mind.

Perhaps a sympathetic ear is a good strategy, but the mouth seems to dominate at times.