Sunday, February 19, 2012

Free Willie: The Complicated Quest for Freedom

You know how movie nowadays starts with the opening of a poor guy working his ass off in a corporate world (in dull color), getting his ass kicked, asked to conform and yet not getting the recognition he so much desired. Living in a cold city, with not much of the money he tried so hard to earn, losing out in life, time, health, family and yet still couldn't game the system. He lives in a rat race with no future and no way of getting out, until one day, something happens …

Morpheus to Neo: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

In a certain way, all of us employed is the poor bastard in the movie,  may we be an executive or a manager; either you work in a cubicle, or run around getting rejected day in and day out. We sell our time and some part of our soul for money: our salary. The company make no promise to take care of us, or do they care to understand us; they make the commitment to shareholder to make more money, and that’s all there is. Why anyone in their saint mind would want to be employed forever and ever. I understand there is the need to put food on the table, and perhaps to join a company to learn a thing or two; but what happened after that? How do we come up with the conclusion to do this for life, and what do we expect out of it?

I been through the corporate life, and understand how it is both delusional and comforting at the same time. We just need to clock in day in and day out, handle some shitty work (sounds like challenge at times), complaint and gossip a little, believe that promotion is a good thing coming and retrenchment is something not going to happened to us. Even if it’s true that no really bad shit happened to us, what do we really get out of it? It feels like a safe and comforting path, but then again it boils down to the questions that how to we want to live our life, and it this the right way for me? Something is missing, and it doesn't feels right, but I don't know what else to do, and it becomes obvious once I snap out of it. What was once my only way of making a living, become something worthless and a waste of time.

I believe some of us live in the present moment, where we take our job easy, and understand really well that there is a life beyond the job, and the job provides for that life. I am happy for those who can life in the present moment, which is what I was not that long ago. Some people live in the past, which is something I couldn’t comprehend or explain, as I have no experience. I at this moment live in the future; I plan the patch for the future, work for the future, and perhaps sacrifice for the future. Whenever I do something, the questions which always play in my mind are: is this good for my future? How long can I continue to do this? Does it satisfy my ultimate desire, freedom!

My thinking is kinda ironic, it’s like saying we need a war to end a war; I sacrifice freedom to gain freedom. Human is a complicated being, we wanted something so much, that we are afraid to get it immediately. I know the city is a cold place (though convenient), and I desire to live in the country side, but I can never quite get myself to pack my bags and go. I manage to satisfy that desire with a 1 month holiday, but I still can’t cross the line or 3 months, and maybe 1 year, or perhaps forever. Why is that so? Besides my dad will frown upon me if he knows I am enjoying myself with no work for a few months (which I know it’s just an excuse for myself), what’s really stopping me? I suspect it’s security, and the need for money to feel secured; sooner or later the money will run dry, or we would require more money in certain cases, that we would need to break our holiday dream and get our sorry ass back into reality and start earning money again. Why can’t my country side lifestyle be just another way of life (an alternate reality to the city life), where I work as a farmer I supposed? I guess all those movies show that farmer always get into financial difficulties one way or another, haha.

So, life is complicated again. I know what is shit to me, so I don’t do shit. I desire freedom, and believe freedom requires money, so I can sacrifice for money. But I don’t really work for money for the sake of money (else, I would be doing shit), so I choose my passion and live a dream. There is some necessary evil, which are not really evil because sometimes we are just too comfortable before our time comes. Until then, let’s work our ass off in something we really believe in; something which shall lead us to happiness in the end.

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