Monday, April 23, 2007

Who am I, and what I am here to do?

I got the above idea from Oprah. In the weaker moment in our life, we need support desperately. It may be from our family, spouse, friends, religion, a TV show like Oprah or just a time off to release ourselves from our normal daily life. There is where I got the idea where people are in need of support, they embrace a religion easily. After all, it is a place for people who believe in the same thing, and a good platform for support and social activities.

Anyway, I like the above question, so I am going to give it a go, in hope to kill some time and to find myself within.

Who am I? I am a boy, a man, a son, a boyfriend, a brother, a friend, a programmer, an entrepreneur wannabe. These are the roles I play. But, who am I really? Hmm, this seems more difficult than I though, so I started to Google for some writing guidance.

What is my very first memory? I am quite a happy and lucky child, where the biggest focus of my entire childhood is about my grades and results. Though I am very good at my studies, but I found that I am not good at many other things. Some I choose to be just mediocre (it is impossible to be good at everything), while some I try to change and improve myself. I have done a few “bad” things, which I began to felt the guilt. Thus I decide never to do things which is going to make me feel guilty again, thus I decide to be more open and truthful. I was never very brave, and perhaps I worry a lot as well. Thus I always have a lot of pre-emptive measure, to ensure I wasn’t haunted by sadness and fear in the future. I do what I can today, to ensure a better tomorrow. My motto was never to do things which I would regret, but once it’s done, don’t whine about it. I was not quite a spontaneous person; perhaps I like to be in control and not caught off guard. At the same time, I would try to persuade myself to be spontaneous at times, so to get some adventure and experience something out of the ordinary.

What do I like and hate about myself? I like myself being tall, though it’s a pity that I am not good in sports (so I can only do it for leisure). I like myself being confident (perhaps over confident at times), but sometimes I am just not as strong as I ought to be. I like the fact that I manage to change myself and become someone better, yet I notice I might have pick up a few bad characteristic along the way with still many more lessons to be learnt. Some commented that I have wisdom and I am strong, but no matter how great someone is, there is always a slump period, moment of weakness. Once I thought I was invincible, later I was as fragile as a glass. Perhaps the strength lies in how we stand up once we had fallen, not how great we used to be or ought to be. The effort to come back from a slump is tremendous, but the reward should last for a lifetime nevertheless. I can feel it, and I just have to figure out a way to make it.

Who do I admire the most? I seldom admire people, but I definitely could find a few “hero”. An unsung hero which I didn’t realize until lately, my father. Though he work for others throughout his entire life and never quite make it rich, but he take good care of the children and keep the family warm. He had done his responsibility as a father exceptionally well, and it ain’t easy. It is not easy to keep yourself in employment until they day you retired, as there are many challenges and dissatisfaction in between. My mom and dad had been an excellent parents, and I couldn't think of anyone else who might have done a better job. They protected me well, and they let go of me when it’s time.

How about Bill Gates? He is too big and too far away, which I find it very hard to relate to him. Though his success inspired me many years ago, but I believe I want to be like Joel Spolsky (ex-employee of Microsoft, and a successful ISV). He started a small and successful software company, and makes enough money to keep everyone happy. That’s all I need, small and happy.

What is “Who Am I” all about? Just an exercise to get to know myself and it’s far from over. And what I am here to do? What is my destiny? And there is what left to be explore, at another time. There are too much thoughts going on at this moment, and I need to take things one at a time.

Hopefully, somehow, I could figure about who am I and what I am suppose to do.

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