Monday, February 13, 2006

With Hope, came Disappointment, and assumed Happiness at the End

How could we be disappointed? It is because we had hope, that we once hope for something but it didn’t went our way, thus we are disappointed. Why did we hope? Because happiness is assumed to be at the end of the hope.

When I was a kid, I somehow like LEGO very much, especially those big LEGO box which cost a couple of hundred bucks. But I never get one of those, as my parent just loves me enough to spend on those RM 19.90 box (just a rant). Every time I would have hope that they would buy me the big LEGO box, and I kept visiting the toy section to engross myself with these big boxes whenever we visited the supermarket. At first I had much hope, thus I was disappointed. I cried, I show black faces, I become sad and start thinking my parent does not love me. After a while, I started to accept the fact that they are not going to buy me the LEGO. It does make me feel neutral, as I don’t have any more hope, thus no more disappointment. I assumed that the big LEGO boxes would bring me happiness, thus I once hope for this. Does it mean I loose the potential for happiness when I loose hope? Or did it make my life better after I loose hope (as I no longer cry or feel sad for it)? Would I achieve real happiness if I had gotten the big LEGO box?

For so many times in my life, I hope for so many things. Usually most of the things end up in disappointment, thus it just slips my mind and I forget about it. Did I achieve any happiness out of hope? Perhaps I did sometimes. Did it bring me a lot of heartache and disappointment? Yes, it does.

To hope or not to hope, as the odds seems to favor disappointment rather than happiness (it is like unfair gambling, where you would loose most of the time). I assume hope not only brings happiness, but it is also a “hope”, it keeps us going and fighting. Though loosing hopes seems to make our emotion more neutral, but the word “loosing hope” itself just sounds so sad. It sounds like no more meaning in life.

Perhaps everyone had a dream, a hope for something better. Perhaps we shouldn’t be bothered too much about winning and losing, as loosing might be a victory is disguise (what the heck am I talking about). Perhaps I can’t control myself but to have hope. To hope that someday I would be successful and found someone I really love.

It is a fact that Hope opens the opportunity for Disappointment, but it also hold up the reward of Happiness for those who persevere until the end. I think we might just like the pain and the gain (though I would happily settle for the gain without the pain). What would life be without hope? Though sometimes we tone down the hope to avoid sadness (logical reaction), but I think deep inside, the hope is still burning brightly and alive. If a Dream Boy I am, then Hope shall always be by my side.


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