Inception the Mind Game

I found that the Mind (or more precisely, the thought of an idea) had a very deep and powerful impact on me. Once I thought of doing something for several times, I found it very hard to shake it off my mind by not doing it. Once I found something better or more comfortable, I found that it’s very hard to go back to the old ways. I guess it’s good in a certain ways that I am always improving and “evolving”, rather than repeating the same old thing over and over again.


I have the idea of being an entrepreneur planted in me by my brothers during my secondary school years; and after numerous tries, I am self-employed and a semi-entrepreneur with still very motivated to move forward. I couldn’t shake the idea off even though I fail for a few times; and opportunities shall creep in again and again for me to do what my mind set to do. I am dissatisfied with the ex-bosses and ex-companies, and felt that I could do a better job on my own. Though I couldn’t be exceptional in every things, but I could find a formula which work for me eventually. I continue to find ways to do it; I couldn't give it up. Now, I couldn't go back to the old ways.

After I gain some success being a freelance software developer, I have an idea to move up one notch. Along the way I kind of ditch the idea of starting a software house to develop business application or do consulting; I wanted to something I like, something fun. Software Development for Business is frustrating at times, due to clients who aren’t quite sure what they want, business process which are either too complex or uncertain, and requirements which forever changes. Basically, I am just doing it for money, where my client pays for my services and patient. The only consolation is that I like programming, which keeps me going for a few years, until I found something better.

Still programming, but programming for something I like, something which I found interesting. I develop web application for people to find great places to eat, a way to compare and analyze property prices, and hopefully a few more fun projects like travelling guide (which I had been trying to do for the past 2 years), product price comparison or developing the most comprehensive archive of every places in Malaysia. Once I started on these idea, I couldn’t stop thinking about them and gotten very motivated on work on these idea. On the other end, my productivity on developing business application had gotten lower due to the lack of interest.

This dilemma is killing me slowly, where I end up procrastinating a lot while developing business application for others. I end up wasting even more time and doing less, with even less time to do what I wanted to do, and satisfaction level is at all time low.

My mind had taken control of me, and perhaps I had found something which I really like to work on (which is really great!)? It’s time to make a firm stand and stop “lying” to myself and not doing the right thing. I need to dedicate more time to do what I wanted to do, and make it work. To have peace and satisfaction.

OMG! How am I going to say NO the next time customers come knocking on my door? Say NO?!!! It's tough.

I get to know Edison better lately, because Mei Ru and I got him to be our wedding photographer, and he started sharing a bit of himself to us. He doesn’t want to turn his hobby (which is photography and editing) into a profession, thus he just does it on a “part-time” basis and he picks his clients (usually friends who are less demanding). At the same time, he don’t mind doing boring Graphic Design and Publication Work as his main job; as he treated that as work, not a hobby. So he got a very clear separation of work and hobby, and he doesn’t mix them. Just like Si Theng (another friend of mine), just treat baking and card making as hobby and don’t intend to turn them into business (just doing it for friends), while working on her maybe “boring” day job while she get to go home on time to play with her hobbies.

My problem is like I mix work with pleasure. I wanted to build a sustainable business which I would be happy to nurture it everyday; something I would like to work on for long term in the future. I still have my hobbies like Hiking, Dancing and Travelling. Another thing is there is limited time, as I can’t segregate 50-50 for work and hobby; thus I want my work to be something I have passion for, and something I would spend a lot of time to build upon. I have big plans for myself, where I refuse to walk the conventional path, something most people are willing to compromise because it’s a norm. I wanted a satisfactory change, I wanted something better, and I am trying to build something better while I can.

I am trying to build something better, while I can. I do need to remind myself that constantly before I loose track of it. I wanted something "perfect" for me.