Monday, May 07, 2007

5 days of reality, 2 days of sanctuary

I already know life is full of shits, yet it’s still a pool of shit we lived in. I dedicated 5 days of my life to secure my future, and I spent 2 days to enjoy my current state of life.

Work hard and play hard, is easier said than done. But the truth is, if you don’t work hard, you can’t really play hard. And if you work too hard, you don’t really play, and vice versa.

Recently I got back slightly of what I used to call “life”. Games, computer games. I was addicted with DOTA for a few weekends while my girlfriend is busy and when I need to release some mounting pressure from work. It had been a really long while since I was hooked with any games, and I thought it was impossible for those days to return. Games is time consuming and unproductive, and at times, it is a necessary part of my life. Though I still didn’t manage to totally let go of myself and transform into a full game addict, but I am not really complaining. Time has changed, priority has shifted, and I have different “games” in life to play with. A visit down my gaming memory lane is satisfying in some sense, to be able to get addicted again.

I have all sorts of activities for my 2 days of sanctuary, such as some light gaming (not really frequent), sleeping (my favorite), watching TV (my bad habits), and work on my pet projects, to go for short vacation and of course, to spent time with my girlfriend. On the other hand, the 5 days of reality isn’t doing too good. I am trying to escape from reality; I am having fear.

Someone told me fear is False Evident Appearing Real, but I wasn’t quite convinced by that. Fear can be paralyzing, and I know that very well. Fear need to be overcome by taking action, which I am aware of and trying very hard to conquer it. I need to be myself, not having fear, not escaping and not finding excuses to be lazy. That is something I try to do at the start of every week, before retreating to my sanctuaries at the end. Perhaps not having a timetable for most of my days could be a real problem.

This week, I am going to try with discipline, especially shutting down the TV and the sleepiness. I might have fail for many weeks, but I don’t really have a choice but to keep trying. I believe everyone has some problems, and most people actually share the same set of problems now or before. It is the problem of life, which shall exist as long as we are still breathing. No matter how hard you try to clean the shits, they just keep coming. There isn’t a day where you stop cleaning your house.

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