Monday, May 07, 2007

I miss you

She had left for oversea work while I was on a working trip, and I miss her a lot.

I believe I was not a very sentimental person since I was young. I seldom cried by myself (unless someone scolded me), I never cry during a movie and I hardly remember I misses anyone. Perhaps I was slightly afraid when I move to KL for my studies, but I settle down pretty quickly. So I never quite felt that I was emotionally attached to anyone, or perhaps I never quite felt loneliness before. I occupied my time by watching VCDs, playing video games, pickup a few computer skills, read a few comics or perhaps ultimately, meet my brother and sister for dinner or movies occasionally on weekend.

When I grow older and get closer with my family, and have a girlfriend which I care very much about, I become more sentimental. My emotion are affected by movies easier than before, I started to think of and misses people around me, and I start to wonder if I had been a good son, friend and boyfriend. I had become more emotionally attached to people around me.

I start to wonder if I had been a good friend, and I did I treat my friends well. Who is my best friend? Did I treat him or her well? I guess the last station to have a best friend is during our secondary school period, where we are all naive, have a lot of time and spent at least 5 years together. It’s slightly harder to accomplish that during college and working life. But even for my old buddies, we didn’t hang out very often, it was like once or twice a year. Perhaps it’s a matter of if we want to hang out with our friends or not, or did we have the time to do so before we grew too far apart. The same goes for my parents, how much effort do I spent caring for them. Are they my first priority, or my last?

Most of the time, I tried to be self sufficient: meaning to be independent, able to take care of myself and depends less on others. I keep myself occupied. I guess somehow I had changed, either because of my age, the nature of my work or due to my disrupted thoughts.

Is this a good sign? For one thing, people around me are more important to me nowadays. On the downside, I depend on them more, and in return, I would care more about them.

She had become a very important person in my life, as I am more emotionally attached to her. This is something very new to me, and I hope I don’t create too much of an emotional burden on her. Somehow I think it’s a good thing, but I am worried at the same time as well. I am worried my dependent might become a burden. Without the dependent, our relationship might not have improved as well.

I found that she had become better, more capable and getting busy with many new adventures. I need to support her, as much as she could support me. It is kinda contradicting, where both of us needed support, and we still need to support each other. There is no perfectness, where we only do good with what we have.


meiru said...

I think it's good to have emotional attachment to ppl around us. we should have close bonding with those who are close to us.. that's something that make our life happier, having someone who care for us, and loving us, having someone that we care for and love deeply, knowing that someone will there for us... isn't that sweet? :)

i miss u very much!!

meiru said...