Human is a very difficult being to understand. We change our mind from time to time, and there is always something which even we didn’t realize.
The main reason behind my childhood dream to start my own company and be my own boss is to be rich; but at the end I become a semi-boss-turn-freelancer (a boss without helpers), with less appetite for richness. The funny thing being freelancer is we can’t actually get rich with it, but it does buy us some form of freedom in life. I get a bit of both world: I get some money and I get some freedom (is like half a rich man).
Human are very optimistic, especially programmers. I still carry some hope of gaining richness and true freedom through my master plan, as long as I am not too lazy or distracted to carry out the plan.
The real question is, do I still want to be rich? I was watching Thomas Crown (not a great movie, but it’s attractive in a certain sense), and I was attracted by his “free” lifestyle. I don’t really find excitement in stealing, but it’s the sense of freedom and not to be bound by material things in this world and just follow our heart. Money is used to buy enjoyment, and not being the slave of money. Again, do I want to be rich? Perhaps yes, or at least as rich as I don’t need to work anymore for the rest of my life, and preferably slightly more (and I am getting greedy).
Giving a further thought, perhaps I do want richness which could bring me freedom and certain sense of “luxury”. At the same time, I felt the pain of the actual hard work which need to be put in order to bring in the richness. Basically I want to feel the “freedom” of the rich person, and yet not wanting to pay the price to be rich. Oh, this is bad. I guess all this while, I am trying to find an “easy” way, a way which I believe would grant my wish without too much pain. Again, programmer could be very optimistic.
So I want the goods, yet I am not willing to pay the full price; so I aim for a lesser but still satisfactory goods, using alternative means. I could be day dreaming and being unrealistic, but I still believe it’s possible (it is a good thing, I guess; as there is still hope, which is a very important element to be alive). I might still have about 1 year to do it comfortable-ly before I feel the pinch (I thought all successful entrepreneur would need to go through the brink of despair before breakthrough).
Again, I am a very optimistic and complex-for-me-to-understand-myself being.