Monday, January 22, 2007

Hardship, have I?

The fate of the middle class, you never quite experience luxury, yet you won’t get poverty, right in the middle with a comfortable lifestyle? Is it good or bad? I guess people are again dissatisfied with their current situation, haha. Never know how to appreciate a good life, always looking for something more, or less.

Come to think of it, I never quite experience any hardship in my life. Childhood is pretty alright, don’t have to do hard labor, nor need to work during the school holidays, just need to focus on the studies so I can get into a good university and find a good job (as least, that is what my dad told me). His idea is very simple: it’s his responsibility to make sure that we at least get a graduate degree, so that we can be independent and make a living on our own. I guess he is right, and he had done his job well.

The only time I experience some hardship, is probably the first time I get some independence. To leave my hometown and went to the city of KL to further my education. I get to rent a room, have roommates, eat out everyday, get my own transport to school, and basically take care of every aspect of my life, on my own. No more home cook meal, no more cleaning and laundry services from mom, no one telling me to do my homework and perhaps experience some minor degree of loneliness. I wouldn’t exactly call this a hardship, but at least it’s the first time I get to be independent. Anyway, I found this to be a good training for life. Though I am still protected and taken care of in some small ways, but I am pretty much on my own most of the time (though I could still reach my sister in time of emergency). The experience is good for me, and I actually like it and appreciate it. I guess it makes me a better person in some small ways, and I feel freedom and independence at the same time. I have a life, all by my own. I get to be naughty, and I get to be good, and I am solely responsible for my well being. I guess it is always good for a child to leave their parents and to be on their own, for some point in life.

After my college and working for a while, I got back to stay with my brother and sister, so that the family can come together again. My parents move near to us soon after, so I am no longer independent, and be homey again. I guess without me noticing the whole transition period, I am getting comfortable again. So life is good.

So why should I complaint if life is too good? I dunno. Perhaps staying with the family make me feel like a child, a kid? Perhaps I want to get hold of my own life, to create something for myself, and to feel the challenge and hardship of life, and be independent again. Can’t you do that while staying with your family? Theoretically it is possible, but I don’t think I am determined ebough to trick my mind into convincing myself to go through some hardship. If I can’t change myself, I have to change the environment. I feel too comfy, I feel the need for a training of life, an adventure of life, to feel the need to work hard and survive, to be independent and feel the independence.

I once thought of working overseas or at least to find a job in Singapore, and that plan didn’t turn out very well. I kinda envy people who gets to travel around the world, even though it is a working trip. Now I am out of employment and starting a business, to expand the business to overseas be an even harder route to embark on. What kind of adventure should I take on, or what kind of hardship should I embark on. Starting a business is quite an adventure as well, but at times, it doesn’t feel really refreshing. Perhaps I am still feeling comfortable, taking my time and not really having a “rock and roll” kind of adventure in life. What do I want actually? A real life adventure perhaps. Perhaps I feel the need to do more with my life, rather watching TV or sleeping. There must be more excitement than this, more meaningful things to do, more satisfaction to achieve.

I guess I have yet to find it yet.


meiru said...

Be independent and go through hardship while staying with the family? I guess when we're in total responsibility of the family, be the bread and butter provider, and even need to take care of every big or small matters in the family, then we'll really need to be independent.. more than staying out alone.

Because by then, you're not only responsible for yourself, taking care of yourself, cleaning the clothes, washing the dishes for yourself or feed yourself, but the whole family.

d_luaz said...

I am lucky in the sense my parents are capable of taking care of themselves all these while. But I am sure one day they will need me, and I want to be there for them by then. Perhaps it's what I am preparing myself for all these while.

Taking care of everyone is a big responsbility I have yet to imagine. You have a bigger burden than me, while I am still chasing a dream while I could.

meiru said...

Though bigger financial burden, I'm yet to take care of every matter in my family. My parents are still very protective and worry about me all the time.. hehe :p