Sunday, September 25, 2005

Simplicity in Love

Yesterday during a conversation with Christine, I suddenly realize why I blogged so many topic on love and relationship, yet come back with no conclusion. I am a simple yet complex person, who can plan very well for my career yet extremely chaotic in terms of my personal relationship. I need to be a simple person in love.

Probably many times in your life, you would cross path with people who asked what kind of girls you would like. When I was young, I don’t think I have any exact preference, except that she must be pretty (yup! I am only skin deep at that time, and have no preference of long hair over short hair – in fact I found short hair kinda cute). After breakup with my ex-girlfriend, I long for someone who is more independent and confidence with herself. Someone who can just shine with aura making herself ever so lovable; perhaps I am imagining too much. After sometimes, I felt that I might be looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place. With sudden realization, I felt that the most important factor in a person is Kindness. With kindness, all the good things will just come along. Thus, I laid down the following criteria and ground rules as an answer whenever people ask me the same question again.

The 5 Criteria I am looking for in a girlfriend (Girlfriend Pre-requisite v1.0):
  • Kindness
  • Open Minded
  • Independent
  • Slim
  • Pleasant Looking
I have to admit, there must be some physical attraction exist. Slim represent healthiness, and pleasant looking is just pleasant. After quite sometimes, I found out that I could still like someone who does not meet all 5 criteria, which make the existence of these criteria quite pointless. I still believe that the all mighty Kindness must exist, as a kind girl is the most “sexiest” to me in a certain ways. Li Mun told me most of the people are kind, and these criteria should be easily met. Perhaps “kindness” is really a super big magic word to me, but it is really hard for me to explain in detail. In short, kindness represents positive energy, good qualities and pure thinking. Sometimes I felt that kindness can be sensed through feelings and auras, and mostly is an observation of what you did in the most simple daily life scenario. Perhaps not many people can afford to be kind nowadays due to our ever demanding and threatening lifestyle, and they do exist if I pay more attention to them. As for open-minded and independent, suddenly I felt these qualities are so inferior as compared to kindness. It is not that I don’t appreciate them, but if these two qualities would come along with her, I’ll take it as an extra blessing from God. I felt that with kindness many good things shall come along, and many problems can be solved easily. As for the physical attraction part, I would group slim and pleasant looking together, as pleasant looking. You can’t actually look pleasant if you are not slim.

To simplify things, I only look for 2 criteria (Girlfriend Pre-requisite v1.1)::
  • Kindness
  • Pleasant Looking
Now it looks much simpler and relevant. Someone asked me how about understanding? Isn’t understanding important in a relationship? Yes, it is important. Without it, how could a healthy relationship exist in the first place? But, I would not group them under the criteria section. Perhaps it is when I found kindness and pleasant looking, and then only would I look into our compatibility, understanding and feelings towards each other. The question is what kind of girl would I like? A girl who is kind and pleasant looking. There are more to work on after getting a double yes for both the criteria.

I have to admit I am fairly chaotic in terms of relationship, and confused of what I wanted, thus not able to make any decision or take proper actions. This is something worth pondering further as part of my self understanding. When you notice I blog less about love and relationship, probably I would have make it to become a simple person in love.

PS: Christine gave me an interesting topic to blog on yesterday, just that I don't have time to put my thoughts together this weekend. Probably would complete it by next weekend.

7 comments:

meiru said...

Hey, I think with your Girlfriend Pre-requisite v1.1, there would be a lot more choices for you, then you'll become more and more confusing!! hahaha...

christine said...

Agree! It is not difficult fo you find gf. But I think that it is more complicated to choose a partner in life. I think that there should be more consideration. You have a simple criteria, but end up with not such simple one I think.

Well, waiting for your next article about the interesting topic.It must be nice for 8婆仔.heehee

d_luaz said...

Perhaps it is 20% logic (based on criteria), 80% is dominated by feelings :)

christine said...

Smile is not equal to have plesant. Physcial appearence is not determined the emotion. 沈澱霞 (Fei Fei) is a good example, although she is fat, but she is pleasant;)

d_luaz said...

Perhaps Fei Fei have a pleasant personality, definitely not pleasant look. Imagine her in bikini, and you will get what I mean. Besides, I am not fond of her personality either, due to her forceful/unfair/bias style and high pitch.

meiru said...

Perhaps from a guy's perspective, physical appearance is the foremost thing to consider before trying to know more about the girl's personality, and it's pretty subjective to define "pleasant looking". To me, I will not equalise slim = pleasant looking. However, I gotta agree with des that Fei Fei is always "forceful/unfair/bias". I don't like her as well.

d_luaz said...

Hmm, seems like there is quite a bit of disagreement here, and I don't intend to start a flame war here.

Let's put it this way. Do you prefer to be slim or otherwise? Do you prefer you partner to be slim or otherwise? Ya, it is not the most important thing in this world, but it does carry some substantial weight. I can agree there is some pleasant people who are not that slim. Perhaps I should emphasize "Physically Pleasant Looking". In fact, the word "looking" already represent physical, as in look, what we can see. When I say pleasant looking people, I mean plesant looking people, I don't mean pleasant people.

Is looks important? Yes, it is the first thing we see and evaluate. Is look all it takes? Probably not, especially if she is a very irriating person. Nowadays there seems to be a trend to downplay looks (外在美)and emphasize on inner beauty (内在美). I won't disagree with the concept of emphasising on inner beauty, but we shouldn't ignore as human nature, we like beauty (美). If beauty is so evil and insignificant, why bother with all the cosmetic, hair do, nice cloth and being slim. Perhaps it is not so shameful to admit that we like to be beautiful, and we like beautiful people and things. But, beauty can only give you the opportunity and entrance, the rest is still up to you as a person. Beauty is only half the job.