Saturday, September 03, 2005

Dream Girl Vol. 2

I have been wanting to write more about this topic, but I was not in the mood and not quite sure what to write about. Something caught me while I was watching 2002 (靈異異靈) on Astro, where Tide (阿潮 - 谢霆锋 Nicholas Tze) was killed by the Water Ghost (水鬼) and Wind (阿风 - 冯德伦 Stephen Fung) asked where would Tide's soul be at this moment. "A place where he had unfinished matter (他有心事未了的地方)", was the answer given. Then it got me thinking, where would I be if I was a soul who had left my mortal body? Who would I want to see? What would I do?

Christine pops up in my mind, as I was imagining I would "fly" to Hong Kong and to observe how her life would be. Standing by her side without her noticing me, have a close up without intervention, to really find out how she is like daily (this get me thinking, wouldn't it be nice if we could observe ourselves to see how we really are from outside) . But, I am not sure of what I should do, or what should I say to her. Probably buy her a dinner (or make one if I had mastered the art of cooking), haha. Too much imagination perhaps.

Christine, a girl whom I had known for a month now. I nicked-named her "Dream Girl", as she seems like an ideal girl (which I like) whom appears in my life, when I least expected it. I am sure among so many girls who cross path in my life and I end up blogging about her, there must be a reason for it. Where are we now? I told her that I like her, and she reply by telling she like me as a friend :) I am not sure whether I like her more than a friend, but I was hoping for more than that at the moment (perhaps the love hormones is kicking in). Ever since that, we spent quite some time doing online chatting (I think I got my personal best record, from midnight to 9 plus in the morning), knowing a bit more about her and her background. Perhaps because I think there isn't much I can do (or at least, I'm not prepared to take extreme measures), our relationship is at best stayed as friends. I feel that it is pretty difficult to move forward, without commitment and physical present. The feelings I have for her never moved forward as if we are still in the trip, as it couldn't move. Yes, we did chat a lot and I know her better now. But, that only increase my understanding of her, not necessary had any effect on the feelings itself. Time had moved forward, but the feelings between us sort of stayed stagnant. I was thinking, as times goes by with so many things happen in my life without the physical her in the picture, the feelings might really fade away. She might end up being just a virtual friends (not really virtual, but she neither physically present as well). Sometimes I am confused who she is to me? Someone I like? A good friend? A chat buddy? Or just someone who cross path with me and I happened to stop for a while? I feel that we could be close, but not really close. She seems so near yet so far (I am not talking about physical distant). Perhaps, in life, is best not to expect anything. Everything that comes in is an added bonus. A new friend, someone who like to spend time with me, someone who talk and listen to me, someone who shares with me and perhaps someone who are willing to cry in front of me (or I would like to cry in front of her). With such thinking would make everyone in my life such an angel, and makes me appreciate them. Perhaps I did put some expectation of her, which makes our relationship seems not as close as it should be. I believe the relationship with her is special, in so many ways (at least we are fated to meet each other). Since fate had brought us to each other, I think it is our responsibility to make the best out of it. Probably we would not end up physically together, but I want us to feel happy with each other. It might not possible for us to share our lives together, but I appreciate her present in my life.

Where would this bring us? Logically, probably nowhere. Besides logical thinking, anything is possible. Since we can't move forward, perhaps it is not the time and I appreciate where we are now at this moment. I strongly believe she is a very good thing which happens in my life, and I appreciate her. Given my own version of the Test of Love, I don't think I had fallen in love with her. But, she is the "Dream Girl" which I hope more good things could happen between the both of us.

One thing does bother me. Religion can bring a relationship very much closer, at the same time it could be a barrier for a relationship as well. I never quite thought of the seriousness of these issues before, as religion to me had been always a good thing to bring peace and closer relationship between human. As we grow up and learned more, it doesn't seem that simple and naive anymore. But I do believe there is a God and a religion should be a good thing, it is just that we human aren’t that simplistic or pure (or we used to be, once). We are complex in nature, thus creating more problems for ourselves. Suddenly, I hope to make this world a better place.


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christine said...

I was happy to see your sincere sharing about your feeling and thinking again. Your sharing does help me to understand you more. I am lucky to be your "dream girl" right now( haha, may be later, someone will replace me ). Thanks for your appreciation to me. For sure, as a friend, it is our limiation that we can't have physical contact and understand each other in a real daily living. But I think that we do treasure this relationship at this stage. We can't see each other, but it seemed to have a close relationship ( at least, we are willing to spend time to keep this relationship after the trip. Also, we can share truely through IM). It is very worthy. I don't know how will go one. But you are my good friend!