Sunday, September 18, 2005

All About Ah Fun Jai

Recently 3 person asked me about my relationship with Ah Fun Jai, perhaps I have been really close with her and we are both single. I know Ah Fun Jai about two and a half years ago, when I start working for my current company. Somehow I found her to be cute, though she is short and dark, and always wear some weird colour pants and dark tops. Perhaps she is an active and outspoken person; I think I always have a soft spot for such personality. We manage to work on the same project in Thailand for about a month, and spent quite sometime being together as we stay in the same apartment, always eat together and sometimes manage to sneak out to have fun during the weekends. That time we really enjoyed each other company, and we could really agree on many things and have good topics. We even bought a pair of shoes there so that we could play tennis, think of it also quite outrages as we only played once.

After we were back to Malaysia, she voluntary stationed herself at customer site, thus we didn't spent time together in office anymore. She continues to be my active movies and sometimes dinner partner, of cause usually together with her friends as well. We chit chat through IM sometimes, but she is usually quite busy. With her working in a different working environment and culture, I felt that she sort of developed some level of hostility and disappointment towards our company's culture and department's practice. I do agree the company kinda sucks at so many levels, but this kinds hinder our discussion topic as we usually end up talking about work. It kinda makes me uneasy, as we started to have difference of idea at so many fronts.

Things get worst when she was transferred to another projects, a very hostile project with very little capable personals. She and her team was under a lot of stress and I think she kinda hate the company (including me) for didn't voluntarily bail her out. Since the project is under estimated and poorly managed, the company is not willing to put more people to work on it, thus hoping the existing team will somehow manage it. I have the feelings she kinda expect us to voluntarily help her team despite management's objection. As a friend, I am willing to help out, but they is no guaranteed how long the help might be required (probably I'll be sucked in the same shit as long as her). I see no end to it, and the environment is neither conducive. I choose passiveness, and I think she kinda felt disappointed in me (and other colleagues) for not willing to jump into the same shit hole as her. Our conversation is not as friendly and pleasant as it used to be after that. I found at a later stage that she faces some troubling family matter at the same time, adding more to her worries and pressure is building up. The gap between us had grown. Perhaps the God pity her, the project somehow ended and the family matter is somehow solved, making her a happy girl again.

After this incident, I always feel that we are not as closed and we have many differences of ideas and opinions. I found her to be very stubborn and we would have not so pleasant conversation whenever it relates to work (not really that bad, but it is neither fun). Somehow, a lot of our topics involved around work. Soon, she joined a dance class when her mood is much betta, and I joined her for the class subsequently. Since then, we spent quite some time together having dinners, attending dance class and practice sessions, and some movies as well. I do enjoy her company, but I still found her stubborn when we talk about serious work topic (Is she really that stubborn? I can't really justify her stubbornness, just some impression or feelings I have of her). After sometimes dancing with different people, I have this theory of the way/feeling you dance actually reflect your personality and character (judging by her dance, I still feel her stubbornness). I found her to be a person who had forms her strong view on some fronts, thus leaving little or no space for negotiation and tolerance (perhaps I am a stubborn person with strong views as well). But, I don't feel her hostility anymore and we are getting along much better (not that we are bad before this). She told me about her disappointments and challenges in life, perhaps I can somehow understand why sometime she has such mentality and thoughts.

Tonight Ah Fun Jai celebrated CL's birthday and farewell as well. I joined them at Soul Out after the dinner, and we chit chat until midnight. I was supposed to sent Ah Fun Jai back, but I suggested we go for a game of table futsal and end up with pools as well (it is too early to go home). I think we can always have quite a good time together, as both of us is not too picky of our activities and venues (we can be very flexible and tolerance in this matter). We left at 2:00 AM and have supper near her place, and end up chatting about more work related stuff until 4:30 AM (are we workaholics? or we don't have other normal topics?). This time, we could feel that we have a much better conversation. But I have to agree, we have a very different career path with different experience and culture from working (though we are with the same company).

Question: Do I like her? Perhaps I should properly define "like" as like until wanted to start a serious relationship. I gave it quite some thought after Thailand, but my idea at that time was to very much focus on my ambition (Solid Financial is the Foundation for Happiness), so I left the thought aside. Perhaps there isn't much spark or heartbeat between us, so I didn't felt romance. But we do spent a lot of time together; perhaps we are just close friend. Is she suitable for me? Maybe she is, though I could expect both our stubbornness could create quite some challenges. Something is missing between us for a relationship to start off. I think both of us are too logical, thus making it even more difficult for feelings and emotion to take over. It sounds like we might just be the same kind of person taking different path in life. What the hell do I know? We could only know if we tried it. I have to admit I am a careful person in terms of relationship (though I could be careless and spontaneous once upon a time, maybe this is how it should be), requiring some spark and some logical thinking. Maybe our topics have always been too serious, and seriousness is no fun. I am such a confused child. I don't have a conclusion for myself until further notice. It seems like she is a good companion and a close friend.

2 comments:

christine said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
christine said...

The one who is always in your mind may be the one you love. Just close your eyes and see if Tang is in your mind or not. Are you always think about her whatever you do and wherever you go. It is a way for you to check your feeling to her. Feeling may be not the most important factor to start a relationship, but without it, it's hard to start a love relationship. I think that you are a serious guy. You do everything with serious attitude. It's good. But somehow, love matter is illogical matter. To a certain extent, you have to use your emotional-self to be feel it.