Friday, August 19, 2005

Should we fall in love with friends?

I was asked a question today; would I fall in love with a close friend? Actually I did think about this question quite a few times before. Theoretically, it would be ideal to choose a close friend as girlfriend. Why? Because we know each other well enough. We already spent so much time communicating with each other, trying to understand each other and supporting each other. In fact, we could have achieved more than what most other couple had achieved in their relationship, just that we couldn't take it one step further. If we had already shared some of out deeper secrets, it would be better. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the full truth all the time, if the relationship started in the wrong foot. With good friendship, there are less resistant, barrier and expectation, which make sharing of secrets easier and had a more open relationship (for good stuff and bad stuff). The blurred line between friendship and "lovership" might just be the missing ingredient for a successful relationship. You need the purity and openness of a friendship, at the same time you need to be couple to have a more intimate relationship towards more challenging sharing and tolerance.

The question is, why we usually don't fall in love with friends, and end up with someone whom we don't quite know or understand? Do we like the realm of surprise and unknown? Or perhaps we are satisfied with the way it is, being for each other without much expectation. Or falling in love is all about feelings. I mean logically we should fall in love with someone we know quite well, so that we would know whether the person suits us or compatible with us. If it is so, how could we have feelings for someone which we met for the 1st time or not that long? Is love really blind, or izzit love need new excitement and venture into the unknown?

My theory is people who are too logical will not be able to fall in love easily. Even when having a relationship, we could easily doubt about what is love? (I am sure everyone have their own opinion about what is love). So, what makes us have feelings then? I would say is the opposite sex physical attraction and their aura. What is the aura? I would say is the character they portray, their facial expression, their eyes, their words, their energy (maybe their personal electro-magnectic wavelength as well). Of course, beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but physical attraction should include health (slim) and smoothing look (we want looks that make us at ease). Probably there is a thin line between having feelings and love, then how would we know that we are in love? The test of sacrifice. When I am in love, I would feel the willingness or need to sacrifice for my love one. I want to spend more time with her, and do things for her (to make her happy). I would sacrifice some part of my importance for her importance, completing her dreams rather than mine. Supposing, seeing the smile on her face is the happiness I am looking. Have I done and felt all that? Actually, no. I just thought it is supposed to be that way.

I think tonight I had talked a lot of philosophical crap. Back to the big question, should we fall in love with friends? I think we should, but just that we seldom do that because the feelings is kinda blurred through friendship. Probably is hard to determine whether you had fall in love with a close friend, as the feelings between friends had always been good. Maybe we are already in love all these while.


christine said...

Friendship is the foundation for the development to love. But I think that love should have some "sparking" elements. If there is just a good friendship/realtionship without any "sparking", it is hard to fall in love with friend.

d_luaz said...

Some times it is 细水长流 (gradual),other times it is 激情万分 (spark),who can say it all. But everyone have their own style of love (probably many styles for a person at different times with different people). Feelings do have to exist for us to fall in love, but yet love can be so difficult to be properly defined.

meiru said...

ohh...some serious talk about friendship and love..

Mich said...

i guess is hard because you know your close friend well and in order to create that 'spark' you need to have that excitement to want know the person.
Don't forget most of the time we tend to fall in love with someone opposite in terms of personality. (opposite attractions)Maybe something is missing in your life . E.g someone who is quite and serious tend to fall in love with someone who have an out-going personality

d_luaz said...

That explain the encounter with Dream Girl, haha.

Perhaps it is difficult with someone similar to us?