Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Transition from Friendship to Lovership

When we are friends, we can be so happy with each other. But once we decided to elevate the relationship to couple hood, lots of doubts pop up easily. Somehow, the transition could be quite painful if we don’t have the right expectation. When we are friend, we overlook their weaknesses and just accepted who they are, and we can be very happy and comfortable with each other. We enjoyed each other’s company, we make fun of each others weakness (never really put it in our heart), we have lots of crappy talk and we might even end up liking them a lot, and found all the goodness within them. But once we start considering a serious relationship, out perception and expectation seems to change drastically. We start to worry and focus on their weakness rather than what they are good for. We start to have doubt in everything, from their sincerity, objective to judgement. We start to look at the bad side of things, and we no longer feel happy and comfortable. It seems like we are digging out all the dirt which exist between us since a long time ago, thus that we choose to overlook them. We are more generous and kind when we are friends, but we become sensitive and worrisome when the relationship gets closer.

Perhaps is all about expectation, just like when buying a house. When we look at a house just for fun of it, we didn’t actually evaluate the house seriously. We would have no complaint of the pricing (since we are not buying), found the house pretty pleasant and have a very friendly chat with the salesperson. We would be comfortable and happily look around. When we are serious to buy a house, we shall be very sensitive with the pricing (value for money?). We would carefully examining every corner of the house for pipe leakage, defects, the direction of the rising sun, Feng Shui, the neighbourhood and the surrounding, and even the history of this place. We become sensitive, calculative and dig out all the bad stuff about the house. When ever the salesperson says something good about the house, you would ask. “Sure or not? You want the commission of course you say like that la.” We start to doubt the house and the salesman, in fact, we doubt almost everything, even our own decision. Why? Because we are afraid that we didn’t get the best bargain and would actually make a wrong decision which would haunt us for a long long time. We want to make the best choice, thus we became very picky and annoying.

Sometimes a good house can be sold out easily without the salesperson utter a single world, while a bad house can’t be sold even the salesman speak until he lost his voice. But, a good house and a bad house may just be a matter perception, as beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Some people might fall in love with a broken house, as he likes her style and find that she suits him very well. Some people might buy a pretty nice house just to break it down, and renovate and expanding it according to her taste. Some people might decide to buy an empty land and build their own house instead.

I want to be a house where people like me as I am, whether I am a broken one or a luxury one. If you don’t like me, don’t buy me. And I plead to you, don’t buy me and break me down for renovation. If you want a new house of your taste, buy an empty land. I shall house only people who like me, accept me and have faith in me. In return, I shall warm them and gave them shelter. Think carefully before you buy me. I can’t sell myself, you get what you see, and what you perceived of me, nothing more, and nothing less.


Mich said...

try to read this book, it's call "personality plus". A very good book , why we always fall for certain ppl in life especially the 1 who have the opposite personality .

d_luaz said...

hmm, we fall for ppl diff from us, and we complaint about them 4 being diff. ironic, isn't it.

ok, will try to pick it up during my next round of book purchase (soon, ran out of book to read), hopefully the budget isn't taken up by software management & marketing book.